One of the reasons for the emergence of a feeling of Hatred is a person’s lack of understanding of a clear, unambiguously understandable structure of life and the location of oneself relative to the point and axis - Hatred and the axis -. Where is the origin of coordinates and the starting point of the Good - Evil scale?

Hate and Love are opposite feelings, however, these concepts are emotionally and logically interconnected. If the main slogan is the desire to selflessly give and bring joy, then the main slogan of Hatred is the desire to deliberately take away and bring pain.

At first glance, this statement seems controversial, but it is correct. Hatred is very difficult to fully understand, structure, and position due to the multifaceted nature of its manifestations. There is an assumption that people have this condition Hatred and Hostility

exists for the survival of the species, progress in development and stimulation in the development of species and subspecies.

The strength of the connection between Love and Hate and the conditions for the transition of one into the other may depend on the culture of the person himself. A person himself may suffer from a hidden form of Hatred, direct it against all living things and not be aware of its true causes. A child has a serious influence on the formation of the foundations of Love and Hate when communicating with his parents, kindergarten

In the future, the child’s grievances and wrong attitude within himself and the projection of his views on society, society, and parents are transmitted for the rest of his life. While receiving education, a person grasps additional data and attitudes from easy and unverified sources. Layering on additional shells and layers of Hatred transmitted from relationships in society, the Internet, and television, a person is completely closed off from the opportunity to show love to others and hear love.

Age-related irreversible human conditions.

This is the state of the psyche and the very essence of a person in which he will no longer be able to completely erase incorrectly acquired knowledge or incorrect views on life. This condition is called stagnation of mental development.

According to preliminary data from working with clients and my observations, the age of a person’s closure and deep Defeat of women by Hatred is 39 years old. U men age, a state of deep Hatred and the inability to return, constitutes 59 years old. At this age, both men and women, their character, outlook on life, internal beliefs and negative attitudes, are subjected to very strong pressure and corrosion. Here is an example of real, easily recognizable household psychoviruses broadcast by people. Examples of psychoviruses and catchphrases destroying the psyche of people and cultivating Hatred in a person:

• You do not love me at all.
• You want to drive me into a coffin.
• Why do you hate your brother so much?
• You don't care about me at all.
• Have you completely forgotten your family? Have you decided to leave us?
• Weak, impotent, woman.
• You will work as a janitor.
• Yes, our second child was born a fool...
• Whore. All you can think about is who to jump into bed with.
• He will leave you.
• You will be deceived again.

Hatred is not always a consequence of our thoughts and actions in creation or an irreconcilable contradiction between our vision and perception of something and what is in reality.

Hatred is a destructive personal quality and feeling. We must fight hatred with a correct explanation of the causes of hatred.

Now let's look at the emergence of this negative feeling from the perspective of interpersonal relationships. For example, a wife was raised in the traditions of a strong, friendly family based on love, devotion and fidelity to each other. Her inner potential is to give her love and care to her family and husband. Accordingly, she does not accept betrayal and lies in the family.

My husband was brought up on different principles. For some time he played the role of an exemplary family man, but he met another woman and left his family, leaving his wife with two children.

If the wife had a life position that was not very different from her husband’s views on the family, the separation could have passed without powerful emotional upheavals for her, but the whole point is that she loved her husband, and his treachery shook her to the core. External realities associated with betrayal and separation from her husband do not correspond to her internal ideas and installations.

In this example, each side had different views and a different position - assessment actions should be carried out as close as possible to each of the parties. Perhaps hatred on the part of the wife will look like a wish for happiness and vice versa.

Point of relativity Love - Hate

It would seem that hatred, in its structure, should be homogeneous and the same for everyone. It is enough to give a definition - this is good, this is bad, this is Love, but this is Hate. However, this is not entirely true; it goes much deeper. Let's ask questions:

Where is the point of relativity - this is Good and this is Evil?

Where is the generally accepted, global scale of values? Where is the point of relativity - this is Love, and this is Hate? Where is your personal scale of values ​​and point of relativity? What is the unit of measurement for Love or Hate? What are the most extreme positions of these feelings. Our society and human development, moving towards a technogenic society, have come up with and assessed many parameters of physical quantities, but there are no strict values ​​and assessments of the degree of impact of destructive psychoviruses. We can say that the cause of hatred is ourselves and our high expectations and ideas, but this is not entirely correct.

Everyone has their own axis of evil and Hatred. For example, dogs hate cats. Muslims hate Christians.

The search for truth and attitude towards Hatred is complicated by the position of the starting point of coordinates and the point of relativity. Looking at even this simple example from different points of view, one can see that cats also have deep reasons to hate dogs, and Christians to hate Muslims.

High expectations and own views

Hatred is an irreconcilable contradiction between our high expectations, our idea of ​​something, our vision of something and what exists in reality. These are our high expectations, views, position in life.

Our pain and disappointments that come from high expectations are not just in marriage, they are a deadly poison in every relationship that strikes at the very heart of every relationship. This is the problem of our whole life.

Marriages end in divorce for one reason and one reason only: the high expectations of two people. A gaping chasm of disappointment forms between external realities and human demands. This abyss, the depth of this abyss, is Hatred.

Causes of Hatred

The causes of Hatred are intentional and unintentional actions. Unintentional is the lack of the correct educational process and the correct explanation of the realities of life and fictitious idealistic pictures of the world. The reason is also the parents' own ignorance in these matters.

Deliberate Hatred, transmitted from the outside, is a method of inciting conflicts in society, enmity between people. Broadcasting negativity, openly lying flows of information, distorting facts and nurturing hatred are methods of starting wars. The objects of Hate can be children, teenagers, groups of people, city society, nation, country, continents, countries, political systems, religions, etc.

The unleashing of open information propaganda can be considered as a fact of aggression against an object, country, state. This is an integral tool for waging Wars, a universal destructive method of exterminating all living things. These are elements of Aggression from the enemy.

Hatred can be hidden. She is extremely dangerous and difficult to escape from. Hidden hatred is not directed at those people who actually caused it, but at anyone they meet along the way.

Hatred, turning into various types of character distortions, can persist throughout life and pose a serious threat not only to the people around them, but also to the person himself who carries it within himself.

Proper upbringing of children and inoculation of Love

Your children, as a continuation, are a kind of reflection of the aggression of their parents. Moreover, their accumulated aggression far exceeds yours. If you are filled with hatred, your children bear an increased responsibility, since they have an enhanced program to destroy the object of hatred.

If you hate people, you can easily get a son who is a murderer. In order to eradicate hatred, we must first stop justifying it. Many people believe that there is a kind of law of conservation of hatred in nature, that if you stop hating someone who did you bad, you begin to hate yourself, that hatred is a manifestation of our vitality that if a person is deprived of hatred, it will be the amputation of his entire emotional life.

Energy of Hate

Some philosophers are trying to prove that Hatred can be not only destructive, but also a creative feeling, like Love. All these are attempts to whitewash Hatred, without bothering to analyze the true essence of this strong and deep feeling - just a delusion.

If a feeling of Hatred arises, implement plans for Revenge or forgive. A superficial vision within the framework of rejection - hatred - punishment does not reveal the essence of the problem. If you hate, then you need to realize this desire and feeling, get emotional satisfaction and close this flow of negative energy that devastates. In other words, act, bring your revenge plans into real force, get satisfaction, and extinguish your internal dissatisfaction.

Do not accumulate or intensify the feeling of Hatred, do not add additional facts or comparisons, conclusions. The faster you remove the source of tension, the more productive and calm your future peace of mind will be. Read and remember the concepts of Revenge and Forgiveness.

You should know the consequences of this feeling. The nature of the problem or illness depends on the strength and direction of Hatred. Feeling hatred, we release a powerful charge into space negative energy and attract more powerful negativity.

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Federal State Educational

institution of secondary vocational education

Don State Interregional College

construction, economics and entrepreneurship

Taganrog branch

Creative work on the subject

"Fundamentals of Philosophy"

Topic: “The concept of hatred”

Completed

Kovalenko A.V.

I checked

Zemlyanukhina N.A

TAGANROG 2011

Hatred is a feeling that naturally arises towards someone who is superior to you in some way.

B. Ambrose

Hatred “Hatred is such a long-lasting and ineradicable feeling that the surest sign near death the patient is his reconciliation with his enemy"

Introduction

HATE, hate, plural. no, w. A feeling of intense hostility. During the lifetime of the great revolutionaries, the oppressing classes paid them with constant persecution, greeted their teachings with the wildest malice, the most frenzied hatred, the most reckless campaign of lies and slander. Lenin. Irreconcilable hatred. To harbor hatred towards someone. Class hatred. Mortal hatred.

An intense, long-lasting, negatively colored feeling reflecting rejection, disgust and hostility towards the object of hatred (person, group, inanimate object, phenomenon). It is caused both by any actions of the object and by its inherent qualities, the perception of the object of hatred as contrary to the beliefs and values ​​of the subject, negatively affecting his life, preventing the satisfaction of his important ones. Hatred can be associated with experiencing pleasure from the failures of the object and with the desire for evil, with the intention of harming the object of the emotion.

The reasons for hatred and enmity can be so small and insignificant that the apparent irrationality of such reasons, together with the ease with which hatred can be inspired from the outside, makes it possible to assume that people have an initial need for hatred and hostility. Likewise, part of the configuration and the hatred associated with conflicts can be seen less as a consequence of some real causes and more as a release of aggressive tension; hatred can be directed at one or another object. On the other hand, hatred can act not as an aggressiveness that manifests itself in a conflict, but as an aggressiveness that exists in addition to it, and not as an attitude towards an object that is the cause of the conflict, but as a mental mechanism generated by a conflict situation and reinforcing hostility (“It is advisable to hate the enemy”). This approach finds expression in the hateful propaganda that accompanies wars and other types of conflict, seeking to use hatred to increase the motivation of society and thus strengthen its position in the conflict.

Social hatred (hatred as a feeling of a group of people) accompanies the most severe conflicts in society (unrest, war, genocide) and is one of the causes of discrimination.

hatred social enmity patience

Hate and love

“No rage can compare with love turned to hate”

Hate and love are opposites to each other, are antonyms, are often considered independently of each other and are perceived as mutually exclusive antitheses. However, the concepts of love and hate are emotionally and logically interconnected in different cultures; love and hatred can be considered as constituting a certain unity, and can simultaneously be combined in one person with an ambivalent attitude towards another person (and, more broadly, any object). The ambivalence of love and hate in close relationships is one of the central ideas of psychoanalysis; Freud associated the simultaneous manifestation of love and hatred in close relationships with the inevitably generated relationships conflict situations.. Some ethologists pointed to the relationship between love and hate through the connection between physiological and mental mechanisms that provide animals and people with the ability to have close personal relationships and the ability to aggression. For example, Konrad Lorenz stated that “There is no love without aggression, but there is no hatred without love.”

Often a person hates the one he loves, and often these feelings cannot be separated; one of them does not destroy what the other creates, but coexists. One possible explanation for the close connection between these feelings is the idea that the more we have in common with another person, the stronger the connection between us, the more involved we become in any relationship, and as a result, conflict, if it arises, will flow with greater strength and passion than conflicts with strangers; in the latter case, the absence of common interests and similarities allows one to perceive the other side more objectively. Moreover: an object with which strong feelings are associated is always an object that has great importance for a person, and it is love that does not allow the expression of periodically arising negative emotions, and thereby contributes to the accumulation and strengthening of hostility.

In the popular consciousness, the presence of love can be associated with the presence of hatred for the same object, which is reflected, for example, in the proverb “From love to hate - one step.” However, folk wisdom can be challenged; Thus, according to the philosopher and psychologist Erich Fromm, it is not love that turns into hatred, but only the narcissism of lovers, that is, “fake” love.

Paradoxically, not only are ambivalent love-hate relationships generated by close relationships, but the ability to express mixed love-hate emotions (for example, in so-called “Joking relationships”) about other people and groups helps to establish more close relationships and performs unifying functions.

Psychologists often contrast both love and hatred with indifference, which characterizes the object as having no meaning for the subject. It is shown that in order for both the feeling of love and the feeling of hatred to be formed, childhood experience of relationships with the object of love is necessary.

The strength of the connection between love and hate and the conditions for the transition of one into the other may depend on culture - for example, on whether a given culture views hatred as a natural response to rejected love or disappointment, or as something inherently associated with love in an irrational way.

Hatred and love, considered sometimes as opposites, sometimes as conjugate and interdependent feelings, have long been a theme for poets and writers; attracted the attention of philosophers and psychologists; Recently, hatred and love, as concepts constituting a binary opposition, have become the subject of attention in cognitive linguistics, psycholinguistics, and cultural linguistics.

Social hatred

Social hatred can be considered as a feeling of hatred experienced by groups of people; the object towards which this hatred is directed may not be considered.

Another view of social hatred focuses on hatred directed at a group or an individual as a representative of a particular group; in this case, groups-objects of hatred are considered, identified according to socially relevant characteristics (gender, nationality, race, age, sexual orientation, etc.).

In social sciences, the term “intolerance” has been adopted to denote this kind of hatred.

There is also a narrower understanding of social hatred, which excludes national or religious hatred, as “class” hatred (of different estates, classes, strata).

The perception leading to social hatred is based on the opposition between groups “us” and “them”, and the differences between them are presented as insurmountable and necessarily leading to conflict between groups. In such a perception, differences in appearance or culture between “us” and “outsiders” are exaggerated, and the precise delineation of “us” from “non-us” becomes of great importance.

At the same time, it is often noted that enmity and hatred between groups (peoples, religious denominations, states) that are close, related, and culturally similar can be more fierce than among groups that are alien to each other.

Hate crimes

“It is absurd to become a criminal out of hatred for crime.”

HATE CRIME is a term coined by the Anti-Defamation League to designate a category of crimes based on the violation by representatives of the majority of the rights of various minorities. A hate crime differs from an ordinary offense in that, firstly, it is committed against a representative of any minority (national, sexual, etc.). Secondly: either before or during the commission of an offense, the offender expresses his rejection of either the activities or the very existence of this group of people. The resulting duty of the police officer and any law-abiding citizen is to register every observed “act of hatred.” The sentence for committing a “hate crime” is several times harsher than for committing the same actions against people who do not belong to any kind of minority. From this it is clear that the introduction of this category of crimes into the legal framework of some states is aimed at the final inculcation of the ideology of tolerance among the passive majority, which will lead the population of such states to enslavement and transformation into human cattle. See also: Anti-Defamation League, interethnic hatred, incitement to interethnic hatred, skinheads, ethnic cleansing, ethnofavoritism.

In some US states, some Western and Central Europe there is a special qualification “Hate Crime” - for crimes against a person committed by a criminal under the influence of hatred towards certain groups of the population (for example, persons of a different race, religion, ethnic origin, as well as groups of a different gender, sexual orientation or political beliefs). In many cases, designating a crime as a “hate crime” increases the criminal penalties imposed on the perpetrator. In Russia, committing a crime motivated by national, racial and religious hatred is also an aggravating circumstance.

In addition to “hate crimes,” the legislation of many countries considers “hate speech,” including the dissemination, incitement, stimulation or justification of racial, national and other hatred. Thus, in Russia, hatred is associated with the scope of criminal actions by Article 282, which speaks of inciting hatred towards social groups.

FIGHTING ANGER AND HATE

If you find a person who has been hit by an arrow, you don't have to waste time trying to figure out where the arrow came from, or finding out the caste of the person who shot it, or figuring out what kind of wood it was made of, or figuring out how it was made. tip. First of all, you must remove it.

Buddha Shakyamuni

We will now look at some of the "arrows", the negative states of mind that destroy our happiness, and the corresponding antidotes.

All negative mental states are obstacles for us, but we will start with anger, anger, one of the most powerful blocks. The Stoic philosopher Seneca describes it as “the most terrible and violent of all emotions.” The destructive effects of anger and hatred are confirmed scientific research. However, we hardly need scientific evidence to understand how these emotions cloud our judgment, cause extreme discomfort, or wreak havoc on our relationships. We know all this from our own experience. However, over the past few years, considerable work has been done scientific work to study the negative effects of anger and hostility on the physical state human body. Many studies show that these emotions often lead to illness and premature death.

Scientists such as Dr. Radford Williams of Duke University and Dr. Robert Sapolsky of Stanford University have conducted studies showing that anger, rage, and hostility are particularly destructive to cardiovascular system. This claim is supported by so much evidence that anger and hostility are now considered risk factors for heart disease equal to or greater in importance than traditional factors such as high level cholesterol or high blood pressure.

The Dalai Lama believes that the fight against anger and hatred should begin with studying the nature of these destructive emotions.

Generally speaking, there are many various types destructive or negative emotions - conceit, arrogance, jealousy, desire, lust, inertia, etc. Hatred and anger are considered the most negative among all these emotions, since they create the greatest obstacles to the development of compassion and altruism, destroy virtue and peace of mind.

Another benefit is that by responding to difficult situations with patience rather than anger, you save yourself from potential undesirable consequences. By expressing anger and hatred, you not only fail to protect yourself from the damage or hurt that has already been caused to you, but you also create an additional source of future suffering. By responding with patience and tolerance, you will avoid potentially dangerous long-term consequences, despite temporary discomfort and hurt. By making small sacrifices, you prevent much more serious situations and suffering. If a person condemned to death could save his life by sacrificing his hand, he would be happy at this opportunity. By accepting the pain and suffering of losing his arm, this man would have saved himself from death, which is a much greater suffering.

No matter how many negative events there are in your past, you can get rid of feelings of anger and resentment by developing patience and tolerance. After analyzing the situation, you will understand that the past is the past, so there is no point in anger and hatred, which not only does not change anything, but also causes you anxiety and makes you unhappy.

Of course, you may remember these negative events. Forgive and forget are two different things. There is nothing wrong with remembering your troubles; If you have a sharp mind, you will never forget them,” he laughed. “I believe that Buddha remembered everything.” However, by developing patience and tolerance, you can get rid of the negative feelings associated with these events.

Literature

Philosophy of hatred. Andre Glucksmann

Love, hate, envy, jealousy. Psychoanalysis of passions.

Functions social conflict. Lewis Coser

Anatomy of human destructiveness. Erich Fromm (1973)

About love and hate. Franz Brentano. (1907)

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Hatred is a strong, usually long-lasting feeling of hostility towards surrounding things, events, and more often people.

What is hatred

It can be caused by any actions of the object, its appearance or behavior that usually contradicts the beliefs of the person experiencing the negativity. Most likely, this will also not be the most the best way affect the life of the individual, as well as the satisfaction of his psychological and physical needs.

A common phenomenon that accompanies hatred is a feeling of satisfaction from the failures experienced by the object of hatred, the desire for evil, as well as all kinds of failures. Sometimes it can even come to the point of wanting to cause obvious physical pain to him.

Hate and love

You can often hear that love and hate are two sides of the same coin. Despite the fact that these concepts are antonyms, that is, they are opposed to each other, in different cultures they have an emotional and logical relationship.

Love and hate can easily coexist in one person, and sometimes they are addressed to the same object. But one feeling is not destructive for the other, they exist in parallel.

There are several explanations for this phenomenon. One of them says that the more we have in common with a person, the closer our relationship, and such relationships will proceed more passionately and impulsively. In the absence of common interests, a person evaluates the object more objectively.

An object with which a person is associated with strong emotional experiences has great significance and influence on him. This means that negative emotions that arise periodically are forced to be suppressed, which leads to their accumulation. This also causes conflict and hatred to grow in a person.

Psychologists are inclined to think that in order to form feelings of love and hatred, a person needs childhood experience of relationships with the object of love.

A synonym for the word "hate" may be "indifference", as a term indicating that the object does not bear any emotional burden on the subject. Envy can also lead to hatred, and often these two feelings accompany each other.

The reasons that cause a feeling of hatred towards a person can be insignificant, small, or even inspired by third parties. This allows us to assume that people initially need a feeling of hatred and hostility towards someone.

Social hatred

There is such a thing as social hatred. It is a feeling or emotion that is experienced by a certain social group in relation to someone or something. The object to which the feeling is directed may not even be considered.

In this case, the correct synonym for the word "hatred" would be "intolerance." An example of such a phenomenon would be national, religious, class hatred, as well as gender discrimination.

An interesting fact is that enmity between representatives of groups of the same orientation will be much more powerful than with groups with opposing views.

Currently, hate crimes increase the criminal penalties for the offender. Such measures help combat racism and sexism.

Various aspects of hatred

Hatred is a feeling that can bring both benefit and harm to a person. It all depends on how controlled the emotions are.

What benefit can you get from feeling hatred towards another person? In this case, you get the opportunity to better understand yourself, your “I”. If you think about it, who do we usually like? This person should please you in every possible way and respect you. Moreover, he should be weaker in all respects, perhaps even dependent on you as a stronger and smarter individual.

You can often hear the hypothesis that people hate those who are most similar to them and have the same shortcomings. However, this is not always the case. Or rather, it is almost always not the case. When hating someone, a person is first of all disappointed that he cannot subjugate other people to his ideas. They have their own opinion, which can be diametrically opposed to the views of the subject, and this causes his hatred.

Hating people means the inability to find a balance in communication with them. Therefore, hatred is a phenomenon that is caused by people with dissimilar views, and not by those who are a copy of a person and have similar beliefs, types of behavior and principles.

Unconscious behavior of people

As a rule, a person behaves according to circumstances. The same individual can be gentle and kind, or he can become cruel and merciless if conditions push him to this. Every person has a light and a dark side, and it is difficult to predict which one will prevail in the next moment.

Hatred is the result of an imbalance in a person's inner world, as well as weakness, which is the basis for many negative human feelings. Therefore, by suppressing a person’s feelings from an early age, you can rid him of any desire for self-expression. The result is a weak personality, which is essentially a ticking time bomb.

The problem may be unconsciousness, or rather unconscious behavior based on emotions. People are not always able to control themselves, and sometimes emotions take over them completely, not giving them the opportunity to take deliberate actions.

Individual's perception of hatred

Every person is susceptible to hatred to one degree or another, and you should not reproach yourself for it. Another question is how the person himself relates to this emotion. Does he understand what caused it (this emotion), and can he control his behavior while experiencing it, or does he completely fall under the influence of a negative feeling?

Some individuals specifically try to experience feelings of hatred as often as possible, as they derive their strength from this. As a rule, the reasons for such behavior should be sought in childhood traumas and experiences.

If a child grows up in a stressful environment and has seen or been a victim of domestic violence, he or she may have trouble expressing and feeling feelings of love and hate for the rest of his or her life. In this case, you should contact a competent psychiatrist, while simultaneously attending sessions with a psychologist.

Hatred for everyone and everything

Hatred to the extreme, when a person hates all people in general, is called misanthropy. The term became widespread after Moliere's comedy of the same name. This diagnosis is usually accompanied by other mental disorders such as paranoia, persecutory delusions, schizophrenia, and depression.

Misanthropy, or hatred of everything, is characterized by an extreme degree of pessimism, distrust, and unsociability. A person tries to minimize communication with other people, leads an aloof lifestyle, and despises all or most people from his environment. Misanthropy becomes the main attitude and religion.

In addition, a person can either be fully aware of his problem and suffer from his illness, or, on the contrary, enjoy this state, placing himself above all other people.

People suffering from misanthropy are withdrawn, suspicious and touchy. It is difficult to cope with such a diagnosis on your own.

Forms of misanthropy

Although misanthropes do not hide their dislike for humanity as a whole, they have their own social circle, usually not very large, which they form very carefully. The chosen friends should not cause irritation and contempt among misanthropes - this is the main selection criterion.

The fact is that misanthropes experience antipathy towards certain human weaknesses and vices, which are, to one degree or another, characteristic of the majority, including the misanthropes themselves.

What exactly motivates misanthropy (a feeling of isolation, alienation from the social order, or simply rejection of certain human character traits) can be quite difficult to determine.

There is also selective misanthropy. For example: in relation to men, women or children.

Famous people with this disease were and are:

• King Solomon.
• A. Hitler.
• A. Schopenhauer.
• J. Swift.
• B. Murray.
• A. Gordon.

How to get rid of hatred

It is impossible to completely eradicate all negativity in yourself. Every person will periodically have feelings of hatred, anger and envy. What can you do about it? First of all, analyze the situation and try to let it go if possible.

The ability to forgive is one of the most difficult, but at the same time necessary, human skills. Cultivate tolerance and tolerance towards other people. Imagine yourself in their place. This will help you understand your opponents' thinking and actions.

Tolerance towards others will provide you with easy and positive communication.

Study people's behavior, be interested in them. By understanding and delving into their lives, you will be able to communicate with people of different social status, religion, nationality, age.

Feelings of hatred can arise as a result of guilt towards oneself or another person. Therefore, when hatred appears, start looking for the reason within yourself.

Meditation, sports, and favorite hobbies help cope with negative feelings. Spend more time with people you like and who inspire you. Don't forget about your significant other and family members with whom you have good and warm relationships.

Cultivate a positive attitude and be happy.

“Self-hatred is a feeling that we are rarely aware of,” says Charles Roizman. - Firstly, it is so unpleasant and destructive that we force it out. Secondly, when we encounter difficulties, we most often think that they were caused by other people or unfavorable circumstances. It’s difficult for us to admit that they are caused by our internal problems and what creates these problems: an unworthy self-image.”

Why do we talk about hatred and not about lack of self-confidence or low self-esteem? “Because this is a very specific feeling that causes a distorted image of ourselves as a monster: we perceive ourselves entirely as bad, inadequate, good for nothing.”

The disgusting creature that we want to hide at all costs from others and from ourselves is in fact a wounded being: as a child, family members or others tormented us, tormented by ridicule, incessant accusations, exclusion, rejection and mistreatment, and all this makes us still be ashamed of ourselves.

Past experiences of violence make us think that we do wrong all the time, force us to give up ourselves in favor of others or to submit to those who instill fear in us. But in most cases we do not even have a clear awareness of what we have experienced. And instead of feeling sorry for ourselves, we continue to treat ourselves badly and consider ourselves pathetic.

Am I really to blame or do I feel guilty because I was regularly made to feel guilty?

In essence, self-hatred is love that has been disappointed and turned into its opposite. Trauma prevents us from becoming who we hope to be. And we don’t forgive ourselves for this.

Our flawed ideas about ourselves cannot but affect our lives. But if we find them, we will have a chance to free ourselves from them.

Charles Roizman offers three paths to healing:

“First, to look at how we treat others - demandingly, critically - in order to better understand how we were treated.

Secondly, identify our negative beliefs about ourselves and try to understand where they come from.

Thirdly, and most importantly, learn to distinguish between fantasies and reality: are the reproaches that I address to myself justified? Am I really to blame or do I feel guilty because I was regularly made to feel guilty?

At some point, you need to start fighting with yourself and stop condemning yourself in advance. By recognizing the signs of self-loathing in different areas of our lives, we can more comfortably accept our shortcomings, as well as our strengths.”

In our relationship

Reproduction of violence, difficulty creating intimate space. Because we are not aware of what has been done to us, we risk, without noticing it, in turn being inattentive, blaming, suppressing and humiliating partners, children, colleagues... “It is the violence that we reproduce that limits our ability to love others in the same way.” as they are, and show ourselves as we really are. That is, ultimately create intimacy.”

We hide behind (too) positive self-images (sweet, ideal, loyal) or too provocative ones (“I am who I am whether you like it or not,” “I value my freedom too much to get involved with anyone”). . These positions allow us to keep others at a distance, but also reveal deep-seated self-doubt.

In our achievements

Dreams abandoned, talents buried in the ground.“Due to the fact that we do not love ourselves enough, it is difficult for us to achieve our goals: we do not take our dreams seriously, we do not dare to fulfill our desires, we simply do not give ourselves such an opportunity,” notes Charles Roizman.

We always put off until later the life we ​​would like to lead: we feel neither worthy of happiness nor capable of it.

And then we either console ourselves or engage in self-sabotage. And yet we never realize our underestimated potential. Boredom and the feeling that we are not living our own lives - that’s sure signs self-hatred that we don't acknowledge. To cope with our disappointments, we convince ourselves that no one ever does what they want in life.

In our work

Unfulfilled ambitions, impostor syndrome. Likewise, self-hatred holds back professional development. If we are convinced of our insignificance, if we do not give ourselves the right to make mistakes, then any encounter with difficulties in mastering new tasks, any criticism can become unbearable. Instead of listening to our desire to develop, we pretend that we have no ambitions, that we give this right to others. “We direct the contempt we feel toward ourselves to those who succeed and whom we envy, although we cannot admit it to ourselves,” notes Charles Roizman.

If, despite all this, we achieve a responsible position, impostor syndrome awaits us: “We do not feel capable of performing the functions entrusted to us, and we are terrified at the thought of being exposed,” he explains. Self-hatred prevents us from recognizing our strengths: if we succeed, it is only because others were mistaken about us.

In our body

Non-recognition of beauty, neglect of health. How we take care of ourselves is obviously related to how much we value ourselves. If we were once neglected, now we neglect ourselves: shapeless clothes, sloppy hair... If we cannot appear in public without complex makeup or an elaborate outfit, this also indicates a lack of self-confidence and a reluctance to be seen in natural state.

What is not so obvious is that “self-hatred also manifests itself in neglect of one’s health: we don’t go to the dentist or gynecologist. We think we deserve this destruction, this suffering, and we don’t dare show anyone the parts of our body that we have been made to feel ashamed of.

In our affections

The need for “crutches”, difficulties with choice.“When we were children and we failed to receive confirmation of our existence through approval, permission, recognition from our parents, this dealt a blow to our ability to be independent,” explains Charles Roizman. Having matured, we do not know how to make decisions, make choices on our own. We still need to lean on someone, and if that someone is unavailable, then something. This dependence creates the ground for obsessive needs and painful attachments. It also makes us vulnerable to sexual harassment and malicious manipulation. One way or another, it testifies to our conviction that on our own we do not deserve the right to exist.

About the expert: Charles Roizman is the founder of social psychotherapy, co-author of the book “How to learn to love yourself in difficult times.”