— People like to blame their parents for their problems today. For example, recently a 50-year-old woman called your program and attributes her unsettled personal life to the fact that her father left her and her mother at the age of three. How important are childhood experiences really?

- They are important, of course, but I am not a fan of psychoanalysis - I prefer to solve the problem here and now. Not everything is so simple. Let’s say that as a child, your dad put out cigarette butts on you, and your mom pushed needles under your nails, but that’s not why you became neurotic. It’s just that at two months you were sent to the hospital for three days with staphylococcus, and there you found yourself in a closed box among strangers. This became a psychological trauma that influenced your further mental reactions. By the way, I had a worse story. At one of my consultation lectures on the relationship between parents and children, a woman from the audience said: “Yes, my mother put out cigarettes on me.” Then I give an example about a child in a hospital, and she gets up and clarifies: “I was not two months old, but three, but I spent a week there and still remember that childhood feeling of horror.” At the end, she finished off the whole room, including me, by telling how, while pregnant, she was waiting for an ambulance - bleeding began - and her mother did not open the door to the doctors, saying that people like her should not live. This man really had a difficult relationship with his mother.

Parents can have a strong influence on you, but this may not happen. We know prosperous two-parent families in which the child grows up to be aggressive, or infantile, or neurotic, and so on. Yes, you will be tired of looking for factors in his past and trying to find in them the roots of today's problems.

If you don’t have a good relationship with the opposite sex or you can’t realize yourself, you’ll be stuck in a job you don’t like for years, your parents have nothing to do with it. I'll say more. As long as you consider them or other people to be involved in your problems, you, relatively speaking, cannot outgrow your age of five. As an adult, you act like a child. Any person needs to take responsibility for his life and reconcile with his parents. In any case, I advise you to do so. If you don't accept them, you don't accept yourself.

— People often go to psychotherapists trying to deal with their own problems. Which ones did you decide?

— I had a disease called ADHD - attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Even at school, I couldn’t concentrate on anything, I was practically unteachable: I couldn’t write a sentence to the end, understand the terms of a math problem, and so on. Over time, this gave rise to fear: what will happen next if I am not able to bring anything to its logical conclusion? I definitely didn’t want to be a loser. With the help of psychology and the appropriate pills, I basically solved this problem.

I have a rich work history - I started working at the age of 14. The first place was the zoo. My aunt really wanted to place me somewhere for the summer, because, again, I was uncontrollable. At first I came to the packaging and cooperage plant, which produces beer barrels, but they didn’t take me there - I’m still a teenager. But they accepted me into the zoo. There I had to look after the kangaroos and rodents that were fed to the larger animals. There were four of us teenagers working there: three boys and one girl. One of the guys got a job to earn money for his girl to have an abortion. The operation then cost 50 rubles, and we earned 72 rubles. So imagine, we were playing cards for money and he lost his salary. But we chipped in and gave him the required 50 rubles.

During my student days I worked part-time as a janitor. In a kindergarten for children of KGB officers. It was located on the first floor of a residential building, where committee members sent their children for a five-day week. How they shouted, dear mother! Sometimes a teacher would fly out to the door and yell at some mother: “At least take the child in your arms!” And she answered sternly: “No time, a lot of work.”

I became a psychologist later, and at first they were in no hurry to hire me in my specialty because I was Jewish. I remember how I got a job as a teacher at the famous school No. 67, many famous people came from it. In Soviet times, the BBC channel made a program about her. When I got there, the head of RONO called the director in front of me and said into the phone that the quota for Jews in the schools of the Kyiv region had already been fulfilled, so there was no way they could accept me. As a result, I ended up in a gymnasium where people like me were not touched, because its director was a Jew. I'm talking about school No. 43 (now gymnasium No. 1543 - Note "TN"). There were strict requirements for students, iron discipline, but at the same time almost one hundred percent of graduates entered universities. In my class, for example, the son of the famous cultural scientist Sergei Averintsev studied - the boy successfully studied six languages, including Latin, from the first grade. There were no special problems with children there. Later, I went to study in Israel and for some time worked with teenagers who ended up in juvenile detention centers. In Israel, I first began to practice as a family psychologist. Now I also conduct private consultations, but I myself am more interested in public consultations.

— Both at your lectures and on the radio, people often complain about their unloved job and the fear of losing it. No wonder: another crisis is around the corner, some people are without work at all. Perhaps this is really not the best time to change something?

- Believe me, there are a lot of people around who are doing great. I'm definitely not complaining. In troubled times, enterprising people simply change their strategy; successful businessmen feel what people need right now and offer it to them. I live in the Bronnaya area and I can say that the number of expensive restaurants around has decreased. But many Chinese eateries, snack bars, and burger joints have opened - all with affordable prices. People adapt to a specific economic situation. And some just throw up their hands and tear out their hair. If you were able to earn money once, accumulate capital, you can always do it again. It’s like with a bicycle: once you learn to ride, you won’t forget how to ride for the rest of your life.

But you're talking about employees, the best of whom are anxious people. Those who are always worried about the result, double-check everything ten times, submit reports ahead of time and will never leave their employer, even if they don’t like something for a long time. Because they have low self-esteem, fear of not finding a new job and being left without money. Such people can live their entire lives with their fears.

As for those suffering at work they don’t like, these are people who, in principle, are accustomed to suffering. Their list of worries is endless: they worry about an unloved husband, about a relationship with a married man, and finally, about the fact that there are scoundrels, scumbags all around, and so on. What is the difference between healthy people and neurotics? The former also worry and experience negative emotions, but this is always a reaction to real life situations. And neurotics themselves form a feeling of anxiety, beginning to fear death, illness, divorce, loss of work, money, and other things. Nothing like this actually happens to them, but they are afraid in advance. Of course, work can be unloved. Well then, change it! No, this thought does not occur to the sufferer. Another job will be even worse! Actually, they haven’t come up with a job for me yet! All you need is a reason to suffer. Believe me, there is a job that gives pleasure and that pays well.

- And if, for example, a person loves his job, works for himself and for that guy, and the bosses are in no hurry to encourage him financially, how can he hint at an increase in salary?

— It’s very simple: come to your boss and state the amount you want to receive. And then remain silent. As a rule, people immediately rush to explain why they need to increase their salary: “I’ve been working for you for 20 years, I have the responsibilities of several people, I have a mortgage...” - and so on. All these explanations turn into excuses and complaints, for which no one will give a penny. Do not do this. Answer your boss’s questions: “I think I’m worthy of this money,” that is, speak honestly. But you must be prepared to leave this job if they don’t agree to your terms, otherwise no one will believe your stomping foot the second time. One girl told me at a lecture that she wanted to achieve a 30 percent increase in salary, but in the end she got an increase of 50 percent.

— You have a lecture-consultation called “How to make children happy.” Everyone wants to know this secret. What is most important in this difficult process?

- There are no secrets. The most important thing is to accept children as they are. This is generally one of the concepts of love - acceptance of a person as a whole. You are happy that you have a child and do not demand that he meet your expectations. When a child is loved because he brought an A, but in the case of a D he is not loved, he gains confidence: the love of his parents must be earned. Most of our citizens sincerely think that love can be earned. No you can not. Many, almost from the maternity hospital, strive to send their child to an equestrian sports and ballroom club, and so that from the cradle he speaks English and French, although scientists have long proven the uselessness of early development. There is no need to force children to do something they don't want to do. And you shouldn’t even go to psychologists - first, sort out your own head. You can make your children happy only by solving your psychological problems.

Once upon a time, my parents brought their 16-year-old son, a drug addict, to see me. Things haven't gotten to the point of serious drugs yet, but the teenager started dabbling in something. I sent my parents for a walk and decided to talk to him face to face. I ask: who allegedly paid for your coming here? He: “Parents, I’m a schoolboy. Where did I get the money, uncle? But I understand: it won’t do any good if mom and dad bring him here by the hand. If a person himself is not aware of his problems, everything is useless. I tell the guy that I won’t work with him: I don’t want to be paid for him. He leaves in bewilderment. He returned a few months later with a bag of iron change that he collected himself! And then the problem began to be solved. True, back then my consultations were cheaper than they are today. (Laughs.)

— How did you raise your own daughter? Have you always been the perfect father?

“I’m not proud of the way I raised her.” And I wasn't always so normal. (Laughs.) I admit that I often behaved incorrectly: I demanded something, found fault, insisted, and so on. In principle, at one time I was an intolerant person: it seemed to me that everyone around me was, conventionally, abnormal, there was something wrong with them. In fact, when a person does not accept someone, he first of all does not accept himself. When you solve this problem, your attitude towards people changes. I adored my daughter, but sometimes behaved strangely. Our relationship changed when she turned 25 (she's 30 now). I began to accept her for who she is. The only thing I still can’t get used to is that she often changes her hair color - she can dye it whatever she wants! But these are minor things. I am proud of my daughter - she also served in the Israeli army, Dasha is a senior sergeant in field intelligence. When she was 18, we had a conflict: I didn’t see that she wanted to do anything. That is, she sat at home during the day, and in the evening she had meetings with friends and entertainment. At some point I said harshly: you either study or go to work, there are no options. And then the daughter received a summons to the army, which she waved in front of her dad’s nose! I went to serve. It was funny when I called her and heard a terrible roar on the phone: “Dad, we’ll finish bombing now, and I’ll call you back.” I was more worried when she returned to Moscow and fearlessly walked the streets at night. Here dad was a little scared. Now my daughter is married. I hope there will be grandchildren soon.

- I'm proud of my daughter. Dasha served in the Israeli army - she is a senior field intelligence sergeant

- It’s good for her: there is a dad who knows the answers to most questions. It seems to me that people sometimes mistake psychologists for wizards. After all, you really want someone else to solve all your problems for you...

— Previously, I would have agreed with you, but now I really propose a technique that can change lives. These are six rules, and if a person uses them, his mental reactions to the same situations change. It doesn’t matter what kind of psychological trauma there was in childhood - a person learns to react to life situations differently. The rules are as follows: do only what you want; don't do what you don't want; immediately talk about what you don’t like; not answering when not asked; answer only questions addressed to yourself; When sorting things out, talk exclusively about yourself.

— As I understand it, the first rule causes the most criticism? It's hard to imagine what will happen if people start doing exclusively what they want. At the very least, many would stop working.

— Yes, people simply do not always understand the meaning of the first rule. And they often ask: “So if I want to kill everyone around me, I can’t deny myself anything?” Comrades, if you want to shoot everyone, you have mental disorders - you need to see a psychiatrist, but this is no longer my diocese, I am a psychologist. The rule says something else: even when you are faced with an everyday choice of what to wear, what to eat, whether to marry this man, you always need to honestly ask yourself what

I really want to. Not what will be better for someone, more useful, more expedient, and so on, but what I want. Let's take a primitive example. Many women want to lose weight and at the same time love to eat. So she gets up in the morning and brews the hated oatmeal with boiling water - explaining to herself that she needs to eat it in order to lose weight, in order to please someone and get married. Yes, this is ordinary masochism and victim reasoning. Not if you convince yourself that you love eating oatmeal with water, for God's sake. But my rule teaches an adult to do what he wants. Appearance, weight, age have no bearing on success in your personal life.

- What does it have? Why do we have so many women with unsettled personal lives? Nice, successful girls with an active lifestyle, but no beloved man. And by the way, is it worth looking for?

- Let's go in order. Why is a woman lonely? Perhaps because she doesn’t like men in principle. On the one hand, she wants a relationship, because it seems like it should be, all her girlfriends are getting married, but if in reality a young man on the street looks at her with interest, she immediately turns away in response or makes such a grimace that the poor man recoils in horror! And a man approaches a woman only when he reads approval in her eyes. Men, like children, read everything. Therefore, one of the reasons that personal life does not work out is problems with communication. There are still girls who want people to first of all appreciate their rich inner world. This is a story from the series “no one understands me, they all need only one thing”! As a rule, such young ladies have problems with communication since school, or even since childhood... Finally, another category of women who find it difficult to get married are problematic women. This is when a young lady on the first date talks about how difficult her life is, how tired she is of raising a child alone and how she expects a man to share her worries. And for a man, marriage is always a responsible step that needs to be decided upon. So don't look for someone to help you with your problems. First, deal with them yourself, and then get married.

If you dig deeper and get into psychoanalysis, it is possible that even as a child this girl had a difficult relationship with her father or that he was absent altogether. And, as a result, the result is the same: relationships with a man in adulthood, in some sense, always repeat relationships with parents... Yes, there are many reasons, in fact. There are women who abstractly want to get married. Not for a specific beloved man, but just to get married - because it’s necessary! Others get stuck in neurotic relationships for years or kill time with married people. If you want to get married, stop dating these people. At first it will be hard, like a drug addict during withdrawal, but then it will let go. The person who rejects you should not make you want to be with him. This is a sign of a neurotic relationship. You are healthy when you are interested in men who are interested in you.

— Often, when telling how to get out of these very neurotic relationships, you give the example of the story of how you quit smoking after 37 years. Is this a fair comparison?

- Yes, after all, the same dependence takes place: in one case - from a person, in the other - from nicotine. Where do the legs of neurotic relationships grow from, in which one person or both suffer at once? Often such people experienced a lack of parental love in childhood. They suffered when, for example, they were sent to camp for the whole summer, or their parents went to another city to work, or simply mom and dad were cold people. That is, the child has formed a rigid connection: love is suffering, an experience. And then the child grows and begins to unconsciously look for a partner who also causes him suffering. It seems to him that this is love. For example, when a man cheats on a woman, mocks her, says that she is fat and so on, but she loves him and is sure that this is a real man. Wives beaten by alcoholics like to say that when a man doesn’t drink, he’s golden: he’ll play with the children and nail down a shelf... I once had a woman at a reception whose husband broke her arm at a wedding. She assured that in principle he was normal, she loved him very much. If such a woman meets a man who carries her bags from the store and carefully covers her with a blanket at night, she is bored with him, he annoys her: “Like a woman!”

The first thing to do if you find yourself in a neurotic relationship is to recognize that there is an addiction. Not love, but dependence on a person. Dot. I smoked for 37 years, nothing scared me, although health problems had already begun. When I realized that I didn’t like smoking, but was addicted to nicotine, I quit after a month. And since then I have never smoked and feel great in the company of smokers.

When you leave such a relationship, withdrawal will begin. You will miss your usual emotions, you will begin to remember only the good things - this is a normal reaction. How to proceed? Accustom yourself to immediately talk about what doesn’t suit you. As soon as you feel that you don’t like something in a man’s behavior—no matter what it is: he didn’t keep his promise, he raised his voice, he didn’t give him his coat—speak about it immediately. And only once: they say, if this happens again, we will separate. Has the situation happened again? There is no need to explain anything else - make a decision and leave. If you learn to behave this way, over time you will stop being attracted to men who make you suffer.

And you always need to be yourself. Any attempt to bend over backwards, to force someone to like you, which includes, God forbid, going to a plastic surgeon to change your appearance, is doomed to failure and only speaks of your lack of self-confidence. No one has ever been loved for trying to be someone else. You will definitely be loved for who you are, simply because you will subconsciously remind someone of their mother. In this sense, nature ordered it so that everyone could find a mate. Love is the experience of childhood emotions and nothing more. And character, age, appearance do not play any role here. For those who doubt it, I advise you to look at John Lennon's widow Yoko Ono, Woody Allen's current wife, Pierce Brosnan's wife or Melanie Griffith's ex-wife - the list goes on. In my opinion, you can’t look at it without tears.

- You always need to be yourself. Any attempt to bend, to force someone to like you is doomed to failure and speaks of your lack of self-confidence. No one has ever been loved for trying to be someone else.

- Aren’t you married yourself?

- So I was married. Yes, the marriage ended in divorce and failure, but, of course, I can well imagine myself being married again. Another thing is that I have reached a state in which I can live with a woman, or I can be alone - and I feel good either way. After all, loneliness is not the absence of a wife or husband, it is when a person is uninteresting to himself. Often this manifests itself already in childhood, when the child cannot occupy himself independently and endlessly reaches for his mother’s skirt. Then the child grows up and cannot live alone: ​​something weighs on him, he is bored, uncomfortable. And, being married, such people can also be very lonely. Therefore, I would like to repeat once again: there is no need to use marriage or relationships as a way to solve your problems. First deal with what is in your head, and then get married or get married.

“It’s easier for men in this sense.” Both at fifty and at seventy you can have a child, divorce a woman the same age and marry a companion half your age... People also say: gray hair in the beard, devil in the rib.

- No one gets divorced because he turned fifty and suddenly wanted to marry a young woman. This means that there was initially a flawed relationship that came to an end. The key to family happiness is not the notorious compromises, because of which people often end up seeing cardiologists and oncologists, but a stable psyche. If it is present, a person can love one partner all his life and be happy with him. And if the psyche is unstable, then today he loves one,

and tomorrow another one. With men who leave for younger people, it’s a different story. This is a fear of age and inadequacy, a kind of attempt to regain elusive youth at the expense of a companion half his age.

By the way, my ex-wife, when she was about fifty, got married for the third time. She even consulted with me about which of the applicants to choose, but in the end she still decided in her own way. (Smiles.) And the famous Elizabeth Taylor, who was married eleven times? Some people walk down the aisle regularly, while others have never been there - everything depends on the person, and not on gender and age.

— What kind of complexes did you personally have in communicating with women?

— When I was young, I considered it a failure if the first date did not end in sex. I thought that I was being rejected in this way, that there was something wrong with me. Friends twirled their fingers near their temples: they say, what are you doing, no one owes you anything! But I had such a thing. It has passed with age. The irony is that now, as a psychologist, I explain to women that you can have sex whenever you want. Girls who are confident in themselves are not tormented by the question: should I agree to intimacy on the first date, and what if he leaves me after that? If a man doesn’t like you, he will leave you even after the tenth date. But if you are pursuing the goal of having dinner ten times at his expense, it’s up to you, you can stall for time.

— There are women who worry if a man doesn’t call them back after the first date, it means he’s not hooked. Is not it?

“I remember how the singer Cher’s mother told her daughter: “You need to find a wealthy, strong, accomplished man.” To which Cher replied: “Mom, that man is me.” What is the psychology of the victim: “If he didn’t call back, it means he didn’t like me”? You, too, can tell a man in the morning: “Old man, everything was fine, you call, don’t disappear! If I have time, we’ll meet!” You know, I reconsidered my views on life: there are no conquerors and hunters. People just have to like each other and do what they want. And it doesn’t matter what date it happened on.

- Do you believe in fate? Maybe everything is already predetermined to a certain extent?

- No, I believe that people can change their lives, and at any time. It’s just that from the point of view of karma, what they changed is also part of their life, but they don’t know about it yet. I have a favorite story on this topic. One girl got an A and walked home with her head held high, but ended up falling and breaking her leg. And the other one got a bad mark and walked with her eyes down on the floor - and found a wallet with money. Nobody knows what will actually be best for you and what awaits you tomorrow.

Family: daughter - Daria (30 years old), journalist

Education: graduated from the Faculty of Psychology of the Moscow Pedagogical Institute (specialization “general, family and developmental psychology”), Family Mediation Service course in Israel (specialty “family mediator”, specialist in family law)

Career: worked as a teacher and school psychologist in Moscow. In the Jerusalem mayor's office, he worked with troubled teenagers who ended up in a juvenile detention center, then, as a family mediator, he was involved in negotiations between spouses in a state of divorce. Hosts his own program “For adults about adults” on the radio station “Silver Rain”

The popular psychologist was born in 1961, on June 17. According to Mikhail himself, his life in his childhood was marred by attention deficit disorder and hyperactivity. Because of these character traits, he became almost uncontrollable. It was also difficult with training. Not only the parents suffered, but also the boy himself. He simply was not able to achieve his goals, to bring things to an end.

Job

It was the presence of psychological problems that became the decisive factor in Mikhail’s biography. He decided to study psychology in order to deal with the negative manifestations of his own character. However, before entering the relevant institute, he worked in a variety of fields. The very first workplace is a zoo. He got a job there at the age of 14 after he was not hired at a plant producing containers for alcoholic beverages. At the zoo, a guy looked after small animals.

While receiving his education, the young man had to work as a janitor in a kindergarten. It was at this time that Mikhail began to observe the relationships that develop between parents and children.

Psychologist career

After receiving a diploma in psychology, Mikhail Labkovsky began working at school as a regular teacher. Then he began to work in his specialty. At the age of 28, he decided to move with his family to Israel, where he received a second degree in psychology. Worked as a consultant. His clients were usually couples who were on the verge of divorce. He also advised troubled teenagers at the capital’s mayor’s office.

After some time, Mikhail decided to return to Moscow, where he began working as a family psychologist. He helped to understand issues of raising children and self-development. Mikhail was not only engaged in private practice. He also gave lectures. Usually he considered pressing issues, citing examples from life. The main feature of the seminars was that they were held in a communication mode. The psychologist was asked questions, and he answered them.

Over the course of his work, Mikhail has developed several universal rules. He claims that they will help achieve happiness and get rid of problems. The recommendations on which Mikhail Labkovsky’s method is based are as follows:

1. you need to do only what you want;
2. you don’t have to do what you don’t want;
3. if you don’t like something, you need to talk about it right away;
4. You only need to answer the question;
5. if there is no question, then there is no need to answer;
6. During a showdown, you need to talk only about yourself.

Since 2004, Labkovsky has been hosting a program on radio “Echo of Moscow” called “For adults about adults.” Typically deals with family issues and gender issues. After some time, the program began to air on the “Silver Rain” radio station. He often appears on the “Culture” TV channel and writes a column on the “Snob” website. There is an official portal on which Mikhail regularly publishes articles.

In 2017, the book “I Want and I Will” was published. It has become quite popular among numerous readers. Mikhail helps you figure out how to become happy, find your soulmate and find harmony. In 2018, he became the host of the TV show “Supermom”, which airs on “STS”.

Personal life

The popular psychologist does not like to talk about his life. According to him, it is not related to professional activity, and accordingly there is no need to talk about it. However, it is still known that he was married. The relationship did not work out, and the marriage eventually broke up. Friendly relations have been maintained between the former spouses. Mikhail even said that his wife consulted with him about a new partner.

Mikhail has a daughter. Her name is Dasha. More than once the psychologist reported that he was not a model father. For a long time he was too critical of the child. His excessive demands led to Daria simply joining the army. After the service, my relationship with my father improved and trust emerged. At the present stage, the girl is married. Together with her father they create their own clothing line. You can purchase products on the official website of the psychologist.

Mikhail Labkovsky can be called a brilliant family psychologist who managed to change the idea of ​​both psychologists and their lectures. Now he is not only a practicing psychologist, but also a lawyer, radio and television presenter. Labkovsky has 30 years of practical experience, including considerable experience in foreign psychological practice. We invite you to familiarize yourself with the information on the topic "Mikhail Labkovsky. Biography, professional activities, his rules and advice."

Career stages

Born on June 17, 1961, Mikhail Labkovsky. His biography, naturally, primarily tells about education. Mikhail studied at Moscow State University. Lomonosov, graduated from the Faculty of Psychology with a specialization in General, Developmental and Family Psychology. In addition, Labkovsky also received a legal education and specialized in family law.

At one time, M. Labkovsky had a hard time becoming who he is at the moment. He began his professional career by working at school, first as a simple teacher, then as a school psychologist. Despite his very effective advice regarding family and children, very, very little is known about the psychotherapist himself. Who is he, Mikhail Labkovsky? Family, children, biography - all this may be of interest to potential clients. The description of a psychologist’s life path includes only data about studies and work. From various sources and his personal interviews it is known that he loves animals. He has a cat at home, which he sometimes talks about too. As for personal information, this is not such an important point that you should talk about and spend time on. This is all Mikhail Labkovsky. His biography briefly tells about the important things.

Professional development of M.A. Labkovsky

The life of a famous psychologist develops in such a way that he ends up abroad. As Mikhail Labkovsky himself says in his interviews, his biography also includes life in Israel. For some time he stayed in Jerusalem, where he worked and studied at the same time. It was there that Mikhail received his second doctorate in psychology. Labkovsky's work in Israel was directly related to his specialty. For some time, Mikhail acted as a mediator between spouses who were divorcing their marriage, dividing property and children. This was a special experience, because M. Labkovsky thus acquired the practice of negotiating at the Family Mediation Service. He very much regrets that such a service has not appeared in Russia until today. Mikhail was also one of the staff psychologists at the Jerusalem mayor's office, working with teenagers who were serving time in juvenile detention centers.

Returning to Moscow, Mikhail Labkovsky, a psychologist, opens his own consultation on family issues. This is where he holds individual and group meetings. His consulting service deals with many family issues: prenuptial agreements, divorce problems, and problems related to children. Mikhail Labkovsky is also the author of many publications.

Radio work and online activity

Another stage in the life of a famous psychotherapist is very interesting and creative. Mikhail Labkovsky is a psychologist who has acted as a presenter on various FM radio stations for eight years. In 2004, Labkovsky launched his interactive weekly program called “Adults about Adults,” which airs on Ekho Moskvy. She appeared on the air every Saturday, and for a whole hour Labkovsky answered questions from radio listeners that related to family problems and human relationships. Another program hosted by a psychologist on this radio station was “Mikhail Labkovsky’s Night Program.” It appeared late on Sundays and discussed sensitive issues: “Everything you wanted to know about sex and weren’t afraid to ask.” Mikhail conducted these night broadcasts with his permanent co-host, sound engineer and editor, Natalya Kuzmina. Together they created a unique confidential conversation. Both programs were very popular, but this did not stop them from being broadcast, which was greatly regretted by both the author and his listeners. In 2013, the program “For Adults about Adults” began broadcasting on online TV on “Setivizor” in the fall. And in 2016, Labkovsky began working at the Silver Rain radio station, where he currently works. In addition, the famous psychologist gives many public lectures and appears on the “Rules of Life” program on the “Culture” TV channel. In addition, you can contact the popular psychotherapist Labkovsky on various social networks, which he also actively uses in his work.

Mikhail Labkovsky. Books, publications, lectures and consultations

This famous family psychologist does not tell theory, he gives effective practical advice. Therefore, his lectures and publications are somewhat unique. He completely changed the idea of ​​a lecture as such. Mikhail Labkovsky is a psychologist who does not talk about a given topic: he clearly answers the questions posed, often asks in such a way that a person sees a solution to his problem. Mikhail Labkovsky has prepared many interesting publications; his lectures and consultations are popular, many of which have been published in the form of audio books. These are interesting dialogues that people listen to in one breath, taking from them a lot of necessary information and effective advice. There are some among them who are considered the best. Mikhail Labkovsky published books:

• “About feelings of guilt and shame”;
• "About getting married";
• "About children."

The famous psychologist is also the author of six rules, which he voices at almost every lecture. Labkovsky claims that people with high self-esteem, who love and accept themselves as they are, will consciously or unconsciously adhere to these rules.

1. Do only what you like.

2. Don’t do what you don’t want.

3. Talk right away about what you don’t like.

4. Don't answer when you're not asked.

5. Answer only the question asked.

6. When sorting out relationships, talk exclusively about yourself.

Labkovsky is a professional psychologist, and, in his opinion, you need to start solving any problem with yourself. And all the reasons must also be sought only in oneself. And change will only begin with your own actions. And nothing else.

In the article we will talk about Mikhail Labkovsky. We will discuss the biography of this person in detail, because it really deserves attention. Mikhail is an outstanding psychologist who teaches how to live in harmony with yourself and with others. We will also learn about his advice and recommendations that will allow us to properly communicate with people around us.

Biography of Mikhail Labkovsky

Let's start with the fact that the hero of our article was born in Moscow. This happened in mid-June 1961. His parents were Jews and were part of the Diaspora. In the future, this sometimes interfered with Mikhail’s life.

He said that as a child he experienced a lack of attention from adults and was hyperactive. Because of this, for some time I was a completely uncontrollable teenager and completely refused to study. Naturally, this upset the parents and brought them new problems.

At the moment, Mikhail recalls that he himself was not happy with his character. The fact that he was too active and did not know how to concentrate prevented him from achieving his goals. It was the presence of serious psychological problems in himself that prompted him to study psychology. In other words, he wanted to figure it out first of all for himself, but then he liked this direction and decided to connect his life with it.

It should be noted that before entering a higher educational institution, Mikhail Labkovsky tried a lot of different activities. His biography can tell us that he got his first job at the zoo at the age of 14. Although he initially wanted to get a job at the plant, he was not accepted there. That's why he chose the zoo. There he cared for animals for quite a long time.

Already during his student years, he earned his own money in kindergarten. He was also a janitor. It is interesting that it was while working in kindergarten that he began to observe the relationship between parents and children, which later gave rise to his interest in this topic. After completing his studies, Mikhail received a specialty in general, family and developmental psychology. He also practiced family law, but this was not a lasting hobby.

Career

Psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky began building a career in the field of psychology by getting a job at a school. He was a simple teacher, but over time he transferred to the position of psychologist. He himself recalled that when applying for a job, he again had to face the problems of his origin. They didn’t want to accept him into the team, so for some time he had to simply go to different educational institutions and propose his candidacy. As a result, he was accepted into a Moscow gymnasium, which was also headed by a Jew.

New stage

At the age of 28, psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky travels to Israel with his family. There he continues to practice and consult people on psychology. He also fulfills the main purpose of the trip, which was to improve his professional skills.

In Jerusalem, Labkovsky works as a consultant and helps solve problems for married couples who are at the stage of divorce. This is a very interesting profession that does not exist in Russia. It is unusual in that, in addition to psychological assistance to people who are getting divorced, it also involves assistance with legal aspects regarding the division of acquired property and issues related to children. After that, he worked as a psychological consultant with difficult teenagers. The biography of Mikhail Labkovsky continues with the fact that he returns to Moscow.

Capital

So, in the capital, he continues to study family psychology, various subtleties of raising children and problems of personal growth. He sees his main goal as conveying ideas to ordinary people, telling them about psychology using accessible methods. Even then, quotes from Mikhail Labkovsky were very valuable, although they were still quite rare.

It was women who responded most actively to his lectures and works. The psychologist conducted various seminars where he really helped people, solved their problems, and gave a lot of advice. His methodology was very different from similar seminars and trainings, because he did not read theory, but shared really important practical skills. This allowed him to accumulate a lot of experience and subsequently draw up the rules of life for Mikhail Labkovsky, which we will talk about later. Meetings with a psychologist became more and more popular, and the number of listeners increased. As a result, the psychologist decided to somehow summarize his fruitful work and create his own system.

At the same time, he hosted the program “For adults about adults with Mikhail Labkovsky.” People could call the studio in real time and ask their questions to a psychologist. The program immediately won a high rating because the psychologist perfectly substantiated and argued all his advice and recommendations, and in addition, provided them with specific examples from practice. As we know, it was truly enough.

Extensive life experience and knowledge gained from communicating with a huge number of people allowed the psychologist to formulate his own vision of the right relationships. As a result, the world saw “Labkovsky’s 6 rules.”

Let's list them:

1. It is necessary to do only what you really want.
2. If you have no desire to do something, then you should not force yourself.
3. If you don't like something, you need to talk about it right away.
4. If you are not asked, then you should not speak.
5. You only need to answer the question.
6. When sorting out relationships, the emphasis must be on yourself.

These rules are the basis of Labkovsky's method. It is on them that his system is based, which allows people to build relationships and resolve conflict situations.

New stage

A new round of career begins with Mikhail ceasing to be an ordinary practicing psychologist. In 2004, he was invited to the program “Adults about Adults with Mikhail Labkovsky,” which we mentioned above. This project was very popular and was broadcast on 2 channels. Also, the psychologist’s speeches began to appear on other television channels. He was a welcome guest on various programs because his opinion was truly respected.

He is very popular for the simple reason that he gives clear and simple recommendations, does not confuse a person, but offers him a clear algorithm of actions.

Today, Mikhail Labkovsky receives a lot of different invitations to interviews and performances. The biography of this man surprises us every year. He is active on social networks and communicates with his subscribers. He also acts as an expert and consultant at various events and shows.

Mikhail Labkovsky: personal life

Let's start with the fact that a man prefers to hide his personal life. As we said above, he actively uses social networks, but only for work. It is known that Mikhail had a wife, but the relationship ended in divorce. At the same time, the former spouses maintained friendly relations and communicate to this day.

In one of his interviews, Labkovsky said that his ex-wife even consulted with him about choosing a new partner. From this marriage, the couple had a daughter, Daria.

Family

It is interesting that Mikhail himself does not consider himself an exemplary father, although he loves his daughter very much. He admitted that for a long time he was too demanding and strict towards her. When she turned 18, he gave her a rather difficult choice between work and study. However, the girl had character and, against her father’s will, went to serve in the Israeli troops. As a result of this, relations only improved, they became more open and friendly. Today Daria is married. She is a professional journalist, but also develops her father's brand and helps him create a clothing line.

Mikhail Labkovsky's family is his daughter and work. He is not currently in a relationship, but may be in love. Since the man does not talk about his personal life, we can only make guesses.

What about today?

Today the man is the author of the book “I Want and I Will.” Mikhail Labkovsky wrote an excellent, succinct book about how to interact with the outside world. He addressed issues of family, relationships with children and personal development. The book is written in a very simple and understandable language, making it accessible and interesting to everyone.

She became very popular and brought Mikhail even more fame. “I Want and I Will” by Mikhail Labkovsky is a reference book for everyone who wants to understand themselves and learn to communicate with other people. Once you master the 6 basic rules of communication, you will notice that making contacts has become much easier, and you will also understand the issue of personal boundaries.

Books by Mikhail Labkovsky

The psychologist has several books that are not particularly popular, but are nevertheless in demand. Among them, it is worth noting the following: “About addiction”, “About self-love”, “About marriage”, “About feelings of shame and guilt”, “Fear is a brake on development”.

There are also lectures and consultations about children, money, work, and 6 separate lectures on psychology, released in audiobook format.

We recommend reading books by Mikhail Labkovsky, because they really deserve your attention. You will be able to significantly improve your psychological skills, as well as understand the problems of interpersonal relationships. The psychologist explains very simply and clearly how to get out of a particular situation. It will be easy to master the material for the reason that you can learn about similar situations from Labkovsky’s practice.

We should also talk about the importance of Labkovsky’s psychological system for women. We can say that he is making a revolution in the minds of the fair sex. The psychologist insists that a woman does not need to bend under a man. The more she bends, the less respect she commands from her partner. As a result, this greatly worsens the situation, while the woman does not understand what she is doing wrong and why nothing is working out. The psychologist believes that a woman must first of all be an individual, with clear boundaries and principles. Only then will she be interesting to her man, and he will respect him. If you constantly avoid conflicts and adapt, then, sooner or later, this will lead to serious problems or even separation.

As we said above, quotes from Mikhail Labkovsky are worth their weight in gold, so we will repeat here one of his main thoughts: “Only a person with a stable psyche can live his whole life with one partner.”

Adoption

The psychologist also talks about what to do in case of any problems. He believes that it is necessary to either change the situation or accept it. A person who does neither one nor the other is simply suffering and, by definition, is neurotic. He himself cannot be happy, and he cannot make anyone so. That is why, in order to achieve harmony in relationships and the inner world, you first need to turn to yourself and pay attention to your condition.

Neurotic conditions

Having studied the biography of Mikhail Labkovsky, let's talk a little about an important idea. Thus, Mikhail claims that all neurotic reactions are formed in a person before the age of 8. If before this age there were any negative repeated reactions, then a certain way of reacting is fixed in a person. In adulthood, fear continues to live with him.

So, if parents constantly argued, then a person will be afraid to openly talk about his feelings in his relationship and show dissatisfaction. He will also be afraid of loud sounds, condemnation and the conflict itself. He will be neurotic with constant internal conflict. In this case, it is necessary to either solve the situation or accept it.

An adequate person cannot accept a situation in which his opinion is not taken into account. But as soon as he gets rid of internal tension and ceases to be neurotic, he changes his behavior. As a result of this, the behavior of the people around him changes, even without much effort from the outside. This is the essence of psychological transformation.

Biography

Little is known about the life of the famous psychologist. Born in Moscow. At school he suffered from attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. It was very difficult for him to concentrate on his studies.

“I couldn’t write the sentence to the end, or understand the terms of the math problem,” says Mikhail. “Over time, this gave rise to fear: what will happen next if I am not able to bring anything to its logical conclusion?”

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Mikhail admits that psychology helped him solve the problem.

At the age of 14, the boy got a job at the zoo. The aunt put it in place in order to somehow curb her nephew during the summer holidays. Mikhail was entrusted with looking after kangaroos and rodents.

After school, Labkovsky entered the psychological faculty of Moscow State University. Lomonosov with a specialization in General, Family and Developmental Psychology. In his free time from school, he worked as a janitor in a kindergarten for the children of KGB officers.

After university, Labkovsky got a job as a school teacher. “They weren’t in a hurry to hire me in my specialty because I’m Jewish,” says the psychologist.

However, for the same reason he was not hired as a teacher right away. At first I tried to get a job at the famous metropolitan school No. 67, which is famous for its graduates - actors, writers and singers.

“When I got there, the head of RONO called the director in front of me and said that the quota for Jews in the schools of the Kyiv region had already been fulfilled, so there was no way they could accept me.”

As a result, Mikhail got a job at school No. 43 (now it is gymnasium No. 1543), the director of which was also a Jew.

“People like me weren’t touched there,” says the psychologist.

This school, by the way, also became famous - in 2000, director Sergei Solovyov made the film “Tender Age” about it.

“A long time ago, when I was in second grade, this wonderful man came to our school and became our class teacher,” one of his former students recalls about Mikhail. “He taught us to relax and not think about how scary it is to answer at the blackboard or write a dictation. He taught us, second-graders, to think and make independent decisions, as well as be responsible for them.”

Labkovsky later went to study in Israel, where he received a second degree in psychology. For some time he worked with difficult teenagers who ended up in juvenile detention centers. It was there that Mikhail first began practicing as a family psychologist. For example, I was involved in negotiations between spouses who were divorcing and dividing children and property. His specialty was called Family Mediation Service or mediator.

Returning to Moscow, Labkovsky opened his own consultation and also received a legal education, becoming a specialist in family law. Mikhail still conducts private receptions, resolves family conflicts and divorce problems. He is considered the most expensive psychologist in Russia. However, public consultations are more interesting for Mikhail.

So, for eight years Labkovsky acted as a presenter at various radio stations. In 2004, Mikhail launched his interactive weekly program “Adults about Adults,” which aired on Ekho Moskvy. Every Saturday, the psychologist answered questions from listeners on the topic of family problems and love relationships. Another program that Mikhail hosted on this radio station was “Mikhail Labkovsky’s Night Program.” She went out late on Sunday evening. More sensitive topics were discussed on air, specifically sex. Subsequently, the programs were closed, although they were very popular.

In 2016, Labkovsky moved to the Silver Rain radio station, where he still works.

In addition, the psychologist appears in the program “Rules of Life” on the “Culture” channel, and also gives shows around the country and the world, collecting sold-out audiences.

His performances are unique. Unlike other psychologists, Mikhail does not discuss a given topic, but clearly answers the questions posed. He is the author of six rules of behavior called the “Labkovsky Method”: 1. do only what you want; 2. don’t do what you don’t want to do; 3. immediately talk about what you don’t like; 4. do not answer when not asked; 5. answer only the question. 6. When sorting out relationships, talk only about yourself.

Personal life

Labkovsky carefully hides his personal life. He was married, but the marriage ended in divorce. The ex-wife got married, but Mikhail is still a bachelor.

“I can totally see myself getting married again. But I have reached a state in which I can live with a woman, or I can be alone - and I feel good either way,” the psychologist admitted in an interview.

The marriage produced a daughter, Daria. Mikhail admits that he often raised her differently than he should have. He found fault and demanded a lot. But when Dasha turned 25, her father learned to accept her for who she is.

The daughter is daddy’s main pride. She even served in the Israeli army, achieving the rank of senior field intelligence sergeant. Now she lives in Moscow, got married, and works as a journalist. And Mikhail hopes that Daria will soon delight him with grandchildren.

Bibliography

“About feelings of guilt and shame”

"About getting married"

"About self-love"

"About addiction"

“I want and I will”

Lecture-consultation “About children”

Lecture-consultation “About work and money”

Audiobook “6 lectures on psychology”