For some women, things happen quickly. I didn't even have time to want to, but two lucky stripes have already appeared on the test. Needless to say about those who, even in their thoughts, did not have a child - and he is born and that's it. Why do we, those who so passionately want a baby, have no children? Why doesn't God give children to me? Why is life so unfair? Thousands of women around the world are asking these questions. And not finding an answer, they suffer a lot.

Different women face the problem of conceiving and carrying a child at different periods of their lives. Why don't they have children? Each has its own background, its own pain. I don’t want to analyze the problems in this article the way they usually do. For example, blaming early abortions or neglect of the genitourinary system in adolescence. Or look for sins and sins in an already tortured female soul, as the religious people do. Or blame everything from evil hang-ups, as fortune-tellers do, trying to answer the question of why there are no children.

What to do when doctors say that you are absolutely healthy, but you cannot get pregnant? Where to find the answer to the question: "Why are there no children?"

Do not despair! But you don't need to put up calmly either. It is necessary to act, work with yourself, no matter how strange it sounds. After all, the answer to the question "Why are we not having children?" often lies in psychology. Below we will talk about how this happens.

Woman and child: from stereotypes to reality

There is a stereotype that all women must have a baby. The reasons are different: children will brighten up a lonely old age and bring a glass of water on their deathbed, children are flowers of life, children are wonderful.

But it is not so. Women are different and each has a different desire to have a child. Of course, for the majority, everything happens simply: girls get married and give birth without thinking too much about their desires.

But there are other options as well. There are women who do not feel like giving birth at all, are afraid of this process and feel completely insecure with babies. There are those who have the desire to give birth, but they are crushed by a painful question a la: "why give birth to children if we are all just a handful of dust and sooner or later we will die ... why doom a new person, their own child, to suffer in advance ? "

And there are women who understand that the child will be too much of a burden for them, because after giving birth, they will have to completely surrender to the baby. For women who are often lost in their thoughts, are used to staying up late and getting up at noon, they may forget to eat or wash, the very idea of \u200b\u200bchanging all this seems too painful. Then it will no longer be possible to be alone when you want to, your whole life will depend on the child, about whom you constantly need to take care.

A woman often cannot admit, even to herself, in such feelings. Such feelings, fear of motherhood, dislike for the child, hidden deep in the soul, are overly shameful and do not fit into the general stereotype of motherhood.

I want but I can not

Every year there are more and more women who want to conceive, but they cannot do it. Today medicine has taken a huge step and makes it possible to simplify and facilitate conception and childbirth. It gives a chance to many, but not to everyone. Why? Because the cause of problems with conception lies in an area that has not been sufficiently studied by doctors. And this is not esoteric at all. You cannot beg a child from God, there may be difficulties with conception with an incorrect hormonal background, an unfavorable environment for this.

In no case should you turn to fortune-tellers and witches for help with conceiving a child. This will not bring any positive results, but fears can increase, not to mention wasted money.

Real desire needed

Sometimes you need to verbalize your fears, understand your true desires and the reasons for the fear of motherhood. The desire to become a mother should be real - not imposed by society, not created by stereotypes. If in the soul, somewhere very deeply there is even the slightest doubt or fear, it is imperative to pull it out - this may be the real reason for failure. Remember, the fact that you do not have a long-awaited child yet is not a sentence.

What to do to make it appear? What prayer to read for God to give a child?

Is it true that God gives children? Yes true. But try to look at this issue from a non-religious point of view. The God who gives children is nature, harmonious and precise.

Today we are all fixated on medicine and it seems to us that the problem of the absence of children is just a disorder with physical health. But in fact, our psychology is primary, but physical health is secondary and is directly related to internal states. By understanding yourself, you can change your health, hormones and get the opportunity to get pregnant. We already have such results.

How to beg a child from God? Instead of praying, you need to deal with your psychology, understand yourself, find your exact desires, recognize your fears.

How to do it? Today there is a training on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. It takes place online and is available anywhere in the world.To connect to free lectures, which are held approximately once a month, you only need a computer and the Internet. This training gives each listener the greatest knowledge - understanding oneself and one's desires, as well as knowledge about the psychology of others, understanding their subconsciousness.

Children are born in a certain year, month, day and hour, and this is not determined by us.It seems to us that we are deciding something, that we can plan the birth of a child - we are preparing, calculating, putting in order our health ... determines its energy characteristics by 90% (based on my practice), depends on our ancestors both on the paternal and maternal lines, up to the seventh generation. The actions of our ancestors, bearing a certain emotional coloring that affect the energy of other people, subsequently program the presence, development and quality of the future life of their descendants. This is a "rough" setting that we cannot change.

All we can really do is, if we draw an analogy with a radio receiver, turn the "fine" knob in one direction or another, but always - within the range given to us. Since our thoughts, actions, words and emotions have an additional impact, both positive and negative, on the energy characteristics of our child, then before conception we can either correct something, or, without knowing it, worsen it. This is completely our responsibility. And here we have to ask only ourselves.

Fate (providence, energy laws of interaction) is wise, and it is just waiting to give us children who are as balanced as possible, suitable in terms of energy for both parents. It takes up to eight years for the individual energy generators of the parents to get into the necessary resonance, which, in turn, would lead to offspring with the most favorable combination of energetics. This case, by the way, lends itself to a fairly good correction, since all that needs to be done is to bring the energies into resonance. The work, of course, is painstaking and individual: sometimes it is necessary to move geographically, change the place of residence, sometimes it is necessary to “weaken” or “strengthen” one of the partners, sometimes it is enough to change the lifestyle and / or profession, sometimes it is necessary to remove people with incompatible energy from the environment.

If someone has to wait over 8 years, then most likely the reason is in the unfavorable concourses of energy drinks described below.

It is possible that people do not fit each other so energetically that only physically or mentally ill children can be born to them. And here fate is already using all the ways to avoid this. For example, a very passionate emotional relationship, what is called love to the point of insanity, tends to produce unhealthy offspring. It would seem illogical - a fountain of feelings and emotions, love that happens "once in a lifetime." But at the energy level, such a relationship can be compared to a short circuit, which, as you know, does not lead to anything good. This was known long before us: in the old days, medicine men considered such love a disease, and diseases, as a rule, are contagious. So, from such a painful relationship only a sick child can be born. But, for example, the Chinese, to simplify the situation, have created their own classification of unfavorable combinations - just refer to the Chinese horoscope.

Another rather important point is that people do not suit each other, but according to other characteristics. And then it may turn out that the children will be healthy, but one of the spouses, with the continuation of this marriage, faces an early death. Destiny, by not giving them children, thus pushes them to part, so that they can create a safer marriage with another person. There are a million examples of this, and you yourself will remember the cases among your acquaintances, when in subsequent marriages, both easily and quickly have healthy children.

It is clear that this, provided that problems are excluded at the physical level, are only two main reasons, the most common, and there are still other special cases.

What happens when there are problems at the physical level? I believe that my audience already possesses sufficient knowledge to understand that the root cause of all disorders in the functioning of body systems lies in the energy plane. Energy imbalance is the root cause of everything that happens on the physical level. Any diagnosis is already an imbalance. If the diagnosis cannot be made or it is constantly changing, then there is a reason to seriously think about the energy component. Infertility is one of the consequences of energy imbalance. And, fortunately, it is not always fatal. In my practice, there were various situations related to this problem, which were successfully resolved. The most difficult thing is when infertility is caused by the merits of ancestors, when the race stops at a certain moment. Unfortunately, there is hardly anything that can be done here.

For example, one of the spouses inherited an energy problem from their ancestors - this is often called a "family curse." What is a family curse? This is a type of qualified energy impact, which, as a rule, is expressed in complete or partial loss (closure) of intuition, in the impossibility of long-term partnerships, in the inability to have children. If such a person took a person with crystal clear energy as his wife, then it turns out that fate has nothing to punish his soul mate for by giving her a sick child. And another from this spouse can hardly be born, alas ...

As for the termination of pregnancy, there are more social and ethical moments, as well as moments of a religious nature - and this is clearly not in my competence. If we look at it from the point of view of energy laws, then a lot goes against the Christian commandments, and your right is to accept it or not. I just express my opinion: a mother should have the right not to give birth to a child if, even in a happy marriage and in general, she is not against children, she has a strong premonition that something is wrong with this child. Even knowing 100%, I will never take the responsibility to tell a pregnant woman that her baby will be far from ideal, I can only hint that she would trust her feelings. I only regret that such a woman did not come to me earlier, when it would be possible to find a favorable time for the birth of a child - healthy, most suitable for both parents.

It is definitely not worth terminating a pregnancy if you want a child, but the only argument not to have one is financial problems. Remember one universal energy law, which is expressed in simple words that are close to people: "God gives a child, God will give for a child."

A child does not come into this world as a dependent, he will bring with him exactly as much energy as he needs for his whole life. And in the first years of life (and this is the answer to the question, where is his own energy until he is 10-12 years old), he will completely give his energy to you for temporary use. You will be able to keep it, at least "for bread and butter" you will definitely have. Well, for the sake of continuing a kind of "no caviar" you can survive, right?

___________________________________________

“A happy person is one who has found harmony with himself. When we understand what it takes to be happy, things become easier. We are moving towards the goal, modeling the future, ”Alexander believes.

LJ address: A-LITVIN.LIVEJOURNAL.COM

Unfortunately, more and more married couples are unable to have children of their own, suffering from infertility. This is due to many factors: unfavorable environmental conditions, poor-quality food, hereditary and acquired diseases, etc. It also happens that the cause of infertility cannot be identified.

What you can do to have a baby

Science and medicine does not stand still, and the issue of treating infertile couples is an acute issue for private and public reproductive centers. Treatment always begins with a comprehensive examination of the woman as well as the man. After all, the absence of the onset and favorably resolved pregnancies may be associated with health problems in men and / or women. Depending on the identified cause, each partner of the couple is treated accordingly. Therapy can take a fairly long period of time. So, what if there are no children - options.

IVF to help

In Vitro Fertilization, or IVF, is a relatively new procedure that is performed to treat infertility. The bottom line is that after stimulating the ovaries, several eggs are taken from a woman, and the man donates semen. In a specialized medical institution, doctors fertilize eggs with spermatozoa "in a test tube", after which they are implanted into the woman's uterus, already fertilized. The effectiveness of such a procedure is quite high and gives many couples who do not have the opportunity to conceive a child naturally, a chance to become parents.

Reproductive technologies are, of course, quite expensive to perform. However, there are special government programs that provide several free attempts to couples that fall under the requirement of these programs.

Surrogacy

In many cases, even IVF does not help. Fertilized eggs simply do not "take root" in the woman's uterus. In this case, surrogacy can come to the rescue. The bottom line is that eggs and spermatozoa are taken from a couple, as in IVF, and they are fertilized "in a test tube." But they are no longer planted by a woman from an infertile couple, but by another who has agreed to carry a child for these people. It turns out that a surrogate mother will be just a "reservoir" in which a child will grow and develop for 9 months, not genetically related to her in any way.

The effectiveness of resolving the problem of the absence of children with the help of surrogacy is also quite high, but it has many pitfalls on the legal (genetic parents have to adopt essentially their child, born to another woman, who is actually his mother), as well as on the psychological level. After all, it is especially difficult for a surrogate mother to give a child to biological parents - she was carrying a baby under her heart for 9 months.

This procedure is not allowed in all countries, and the church does not encourage this type of “receiving” a child, as it believes that this procedure is an interference with the “providence of God”. However, many couples desperately wanting to have genetically related children go to great lengths to fulfill this cherished dream.

Adoption or adoption

What if there are no children, and in vitro fertilization or surrogacy is not affordable for an infertile couple, or is at odds with their beliefs or religious views? Then you can do the kindest deed - to accept a child from a baby house or an orphanage into your family. Undoubtedly, this is a very difficult step in moral terms and not everyone can take it. In addition, many future parents are afraid of the child's bad heredity (they say, the parents were alcoholics or drug addicts).

It is also impossible to determine which genetic diseases can be transmitted to a baby from his biological parents. And if you decide to adopt, then most couples want to take babies, and not older children, since it is easier to raise such babies "for themselves", while older children already have their own character, habits and disposition, which is not always possible to cope with. But you need to remember that, having taken on such a great responsibility as raising someone else's child, you cannot betray him. After all, his biological parents had already betrayed him once, leaving him to be raised by the state, without the warmth and affection of mom and dad.

If for some reason a couple is not ready to adopt a child, you can simply help children from orphanages, take patronage or participate in volunteer movements. In this case, the parental instinct is also realized, although not in full, and helping such children is always useful.

How to live without children

Not all couples believe that the meaning of life is to reproduce their own kind. Many are just enjoying life and each other. After all, two are also family.

What options for self-realization exist:

• Help with raising children of relatives;
• Get a pet - a kitten, puppy, fish, parrot, other animals, or all at once;
• Go headlong into a career, achieve success at work;
• Engage in socially useful work, help in nursing homes, disabled people. Help the homeless and disadvantaged;
• Travel. Discover new and new places and countries, get acquainted with the culture of different peoples;
• "Dig" in the garden at the dacha, or at least arrange a winter garden at home with rare species of orchids or other plants.

In the end, you can take care of yourself. The main thing is to live so that you are not ashamed of your actions.

Infertile women told me at our first chance meeting, when they needed a certificate for donation, or admission when applying for a job: "I just need this from you, and now I have been regularly observed in a private infertility clinic for several years." One woman has been observed this way for 10 years in a well-known private clinic in Omsk. In such cases, I certainly say: why should a healthy person be monitored for money? It is enough to undergo fluorography and examination room once a year for free. And if there are problems or illness, then you need to be examined, find out the reason and be cured!

For those who do not have a pregnancy, it is important to understand that there is some reason because of which there are no children. After all, as it is written in the Gospel: “God can raise up children to Abraham out of these stones” (Luke 3, 8). Even from stones! Why doesn't God give children to these people? Something is hindering this. This must be done without fail and calmly to find out for everything to work out. The reason may be one or several of them, but it is always there! Most often, there are several reasons for infertility: hereditary, genetic, hormonal, infectious, psychological, disorders in the hemostatic system, endometriosis. For example, someone may have anti-sperm antibodies, which is an immunological factor in infertility. Some have more reasons, some less. At the same time, some of the spouses smoke, or even both, and this complicates conception, someone does not smoke, and this is a more favorable moment in a situation of infertility.

If pregnancy does not occur, it may be due to hyperprolactinemia, insulin resistance, or hyperandrogenism. The doctor-endocrinologist finds out. It should be borne in mind that the presence of antennae on the upper lip of a woman does not mean that she has a lot of testosterone. Her testosterone can be normal, and there will be no problems with pregnancy (conception). With hypertrichosis - excessive female hair growth - there are also no problems with conception. My friend L. (Russian) has two daughters, antennae on her upper lip and very excessive hair on her arms and legs, which L. and her husband do not pay any attention to, although her hair is black.

And those women who too want to have a child do not get pregnant, but this does not happen according to our desire. Sometimes pregnancy occurs after the adoption of a child, when the woman finally resigns herself.

Some women never get pregnant, although they were practically healthy. Scientists have found that with infertility there is an unconscious feeling of hatred for her mother, which a woman identifies with hostility to herself, and transfers hatred to her own children, fearing that she will subsequently also be hated by them. And the feeling of guilt and fear leads to the conviction that she will die in childbirth. Women became pregnant after realizing negative feelings about their mothers, after becoming more sincere towards their mothers, or after getting rid of their fear of pregnancy.

Scientists have found that sometimes perfectly healthy women, capable of childbearing, do not become pregnant because they play a male role in life, they like to behave like a man.

Infertile women became pregnant after self-critical reflections and the realization that infertility is to some extent a punishment for previous bad deeds and thoughts, that the mother or father is supposedly hostile to them, for fears, for feelings of guilt. Scientists also argue that if in the subconscious there is a tendency to murder, fear, anger, alienation, depression, then this affects the reproductive system. Therefore, love for God, for parents, for people, for children, mercy, compassion, joy and desire to live will help revive genes.

Here is a case from life. In 2004, I met 28-year-old A. in a hairdressing salon. In the process of cutting my hair, I found out that A. had no children for 9 years. She was examined, but the cause of the primary infertility was not established. A. herself believed that she did not get pregnant because the work of the hairdresser was hard, she was on her feet all day. And because of this, doctors advised her to change her profession. But I questioned this cause of infertility. At the same time, I found out that A. does not love her mother-in-law, since she does not love her either. And A. loved her husband very much, was proud of him, how good he is. She loves her husband, but not his mother. It's strange. After all, the mother-in-law gave birth and raised her husband for her, who, by the way, will be the grandmother of her children. Her future children contain genes and her mother-in-law. How can you not love her?

It would be more correct to thank the mother-in-law for raising her son, who has become a real man (he is a soldier, an officer). We discussed with A. how to love her mother-in-law. A. had doubts about success, but listened to my advice. And after 3 months A. became pregnant and then safely gave birth. I call such situations this: hate blocks genes. And I think that God sometimes does not give those children where there is a lot of negativity in the genes, so that it does not increase even more in children. But this is a fixable situation.

The reasons for infertility can be, for example, because of resentment against God: "He gives children to others" or because of resentment against her husband: "He smokes and does not want children." And if everything is normal, but the pregnancy does not work out, then you need to come to terms, remember your talents and reveal them, do creativity or fitness, do physical exercises in the morning, gymnastic exercises or run in the morning. You can't sit, cry and feel sorry for yourself.

Now they often say: "I am already 40 years old, where to give birth, I am already old." But we must look not at age, but at the way of life. Everyone knows from the Gospel about the Immaculate Conception of the Virgin Mary. Hence, there is also a vicious conception? A sinful woman gives birth to a sinful soul? And the Bible says: "Behold, I was conceived in iniquity, and in sin my mother gave birth to me" (Ps 50; 7). The offspring of a vicious woman will be different from that of a chaste mother. Archpriest Andrei Tkachev reminds us that the prophets say: "They will fornicate, and will not multiply" (Os 4, 10). That is, there will be lust, but children will not be born, God will not bless children.

Children do not appear at our request. On the contrary, it often happens that the fact of pregnancy is caught by surprise, when pregnancy is not included in the immediate plans, people want to live for themselves, protect themselves. The Bible says that God said: “Be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28), but is this why people are now getting married and creating families? More recently, the spouses, having got married, immediately wanted to have children. This is no longer the case. With children, modern women more and more often want to postpone such an important matter, using contraceptives, than limiting their reproductive function for a long time, creating a period of artificial infertility.

We were taught at the medical institute that the optimal age for the birth of children is 21-23 years, while youth is health. But in life, many take birth control pills for years, and then it turns out that they are infertile. I have met patients who were from 30 to 43 years old, with a long period of infertility from 7 to 13 years, but they did not go anywhere for examination and did nothing to clarify the question: why they do not have a pregnancy. But such an important issue of childbirth cannot be left “for later”, because a period may come when diseases or injuries overtake. Anything can happen in life. Therefore, it is necessary to give birth on time. And if pregnancy does not occur during a year of regular married life, and there is no contraception, then you need to go to the doctors for examination.

Undoubtedly, the success of a favorable conception depends on many internal and external reasons. For example, there are no children because there is a genetic incompatibility of the spouses, that is, he took the wrong person as his spouse, not his own, but someone else's, the wrong spouse was chosen. There are cases when there were no children in the family for a long time, but after the spouses parted, the children appeared in new families for both the husband and wife. These are my observations from life. Two healthy women, 33 and 35 years old, became pregnant a month after the death of their parents and safely gave birth to two children within two years, one after 13 years, and the other after 14 years of infertility.

And what people say is very important. So many infertile spouses say: "We really want a child" and wait for the fulfillment of this desire for years, doing nothing, until their psyche begins to suffer. Feel the difference between “we want a baby” and “we love children”. At first glance, the phrases “we want a child” and “we want children” seem to be about one thing. But life shows that they literally carry different meanings: they want to have only one child or really want to have several children. So they say. In the words “we want a child” there is, firstly, desire (I want it and that's it! I really want it!), And not love. Secondly, these words convey the desire to have a child, but only one, and in other words, this means that you want to have only one pregnancy and that's it. It is known that words materialize. When they say “we love children,” then they really love them: our own and others. As they say correctly, there are no other people's children. People who truly love children help and love other children, not just their own.

There have been many times in history when barren people prayed all their lives and gave birth to children in their old age. From the Bible, we know that Abraham and Sarah were childless for a long time: "But Abraham and Sarah were old and in years of advanced age, and Sarah's customary for women ceased" (Genesis 18:11). But nevertheless, when Abraham was 100 years old, and his wife Sarah - 90 years old, their firstborn was born. Isaac prayed for 20 years for his barren wife Rebekah, and when he was 60 years old, she bore him twin sons (Gen. 25; 19-26). Through the prayers of their parents, the Most Holy Theotokos, John the Baptist, Saint Nicholas the Wonderworker, Alexander Svirsky and other saints were born.

Moreover, the development of a new human life is also possible under the influence of God's grace, as happened with the Most Pure Virgin. At the age of 14, Mary made a promise to God to remain a Virgin forever, and then she was betrothed by priests to 80-year-old Joseph, who guarded Mary's virginity. And soon the Archangel Gabriel announced that to be Mary the Mother of the Son of God. Mary did not know her husband, and the Archangel said how this would happen: "The Holy Spirit will come upon You, and the power of the Most High will overshadow You." Everything is possible for God.

The Bible says that the Lord “brings the barren woman into the house as a mother rejoicing over children” (Psalm 112; 9). And so it is. I knew a childless woman who, at the age of 40, married a widower with three children and got busy with her grandchildren. And the Apostle Paul wrote: “Rejoice, barren, not giving birth; exclaim and exclaim, not suffering from childbirth; because she who was left has more children than she who has a husband ”(Gal 4; 27). What do these lines mean? Maybe, having given birth to a child, a woman directs all her love to him alone, and a childless woman loves every child who is near?

Not all people have children. And therefore, humanity invented artificial insemination, conception "in a test tube", outside the mother's body. In the twenty-first century, new reproductive technologies continue to develop as the number of infertile marriages increases. A new specialty of a reproductive physician has appeared, who deals with assisted reproductive technologies (ART). According to the federal program, quotas are allocated for ART, but there are only a few of them, and the age of women sent for IVF at the expense of the state is limited to 38 years. And although at her own expense a woman can become a mother at almost any age, rejection of even the highest quality embryo or its intrauterine death can occur if the causes of infertility or miscarriage have not been identified and eliminated before IVF. There is an algorithm for examining women with infertility. It is necessary to identify and eliminate the cause of infertility, since if the cause of infertility has not been identified and eliminated, then when pregnancy occurs, it can most likely terminate it. And if pregnancy does not occur, you still have to look, something has been missed - there must be a reason.

Women who smoke are infertile more often than nonsmokers. Smoking is harmful regardless of the number of cigarettes. Spouses wishing to have children must completely exclude tobacco smoking, alcohol consumption, and drugs. And also it is necessary to exclude overheating in baths and saunas, a visit to the solarium and infrared cabins. It has also been proven that with a daily consumption of several cups of strong coffee, the likelihood of getting pregnant is reduced by 25%.

You need to know that the microflora of the partners is the same, therefore, both need to be treated. And if infertility is due to infections or diseases (endometriosis, for example, or tuberculosis of the female genital organs), then it is necessary to be examined and cured, including by a phthisiogynecologist, who will tell you when to do PCR or culture of menstrual blood for mycobacterium tuberculosis to exclude infectious process in the female genital organs. After all, it is believed that infertility in women, which cannot be cured (eliminated), in 20-25% of cases occurs due to tuberculosis. And women who smoke need to know that nicotine is present even in the mucus of the cervix and in the fluid of the ovarian follicles, and they are most likely to have tuberculosis of the fallopian tubes.

To exclude endometriosis of the uterus, a transvaginal ultrasound should be done on the 5-7th day of the menstrual cycle. If endometriosis of the uterus is detected, its treatment is successfully carried out. There are enough drugs now for his treatment, all are giving a good effect. It is necessary to look for the cause of infertility by different methods and do not stop until it is found. There may be hyperhomocystenemia. Or it simply does not work out for "technical" reasons: someone simply does not have a husband, or the uterus may be deflected posteriorly, while the cervix is \u200b\u200blocated upward, closer to the bosom. Indeed, most often the cervix is \u200b\u200blocated in the posterior fornix, exactly where the sperm is poured, which favors conception in the position of a woman, lying on her back. And when the cervix is \u200b\u200bupward, the position of a woman is more favorable for conception, lying on her stomach.

And more information for those who cannot get pregnant: the egg is capable of fertilization only within 24 hours! And if there was no intimate contact that day, then pregnancy will not occur. Or, conversely, some infertile couples "make babies every day." But spermatozoa mature for 72 hours, and an immature sperm does not have enough strength to fertilize an egg. Marriage for conception is desirable with an interval of 3-5 days with the definition of an ovulation test, because the egg is viable for only 24 hours, and you need to know this day and have time to get pregnant. It should be borne in mind that conception is not recommended on the days of Orthodox fasts and holidays.

It is believed that on the 14-16th day from the first day of the last menstruation, ovulation occurs - the release of an egg into the abdominal cavity, but every woman ovulates on different days. That is, ovulation can occur immediately after menstruation, or maybe on the eve of the next. To establish the presence and fact of ovulation, a woman needs to measure the rectal (basal) temperature in the rectum every day for a month without getting out of bed. So when a woman measures the temperature, which rises by 0.7-0.4 ° C before ovulation, it is possible to find out the presence or absence of a normal two-phase menstrual cycle. If there is no this peak in temperature, then there is no ovulation either, which means there can be no pregnancy, this is an obstacle to conception. Temperature is measured by introducing an ordinary mercury thermometer into the rectum to a depth of 2 cm, for 5-7 minutes. It is necessary to write it down, and it is better to sketch it in the form of a graph, as a temperature curve is drawn in a hospital. You can determine the day of ovulation both by measuring the rectal temperature and using an ovulation test, which is sold at the pharmacy. If there is ovulation, but conception does not occur, the reason is different, and we must continue to look for it. In the absence of ovulation, an obstetrician-gynecologist prescribes treatment to stimulate ovulation.

What should be done? First you need to be examined. In big cities, this can be done in special Centers. Sexually transmitted infections can lead to infertile marriage or pregnancy loss. Sometimes infections enter the genital tract from a previously infected sexual partner. Active youth, casual relationships in the past do not enlighten men and women to be examined for infections before marriage. For example, such a case from my practice: K.'s wife is 33 years old, primary infertility is 5 years old, the Epstein-Barr virus, viral hepatitis "C" has been detected, her husband has a herpes infection. Only when they were treated did the long-awaited pregnancy come about.

Therefore, women with infertility or inflammation of the appendages in the past need to be tested for infections: cytomegalovirus infection (CMVI), genital herpes (HSV), chlamydia, mycoplasma, ureaplasma, for papillomavirus infection and Epstein-Barr virus, gardnerellosis (PCR) from the cervical canal ... The examination is not cheap, therefore, if something is detected, then you should immediately be treated, and not also look at quantitative analyzes. Then it will be even more expensive, and as a result, doctors do not recommend treatment if, for example, viruses are found in the amount of 10². But it was found! Today in the analysis 10², and tomorrow after stress or hypothermia everything may worsen, and will be 100 times more. Who knows?

At the same time, I recommend saving on money and not immediately examining the husband, but treating with the husband with the same drugs, if something comes to light. Sometimes the couple decides for themselves which of the spouses will be tested for infections. But more often it is a woman. It is psychologically more difficult for a man to do this, although it is not easy for a woman. It's important that? The tests must be taken then and prepared for the delivery so that there is a result. If a woman is going to take tests, then the preparation should include some important points so that the money is not wasted. Before taking smears from the cervix for infections, it must be borne in mind that the more discharge there is, the more likely the cause of infertility and miscarriage will be revealed. If the analysis is taken from the urethra, then you cannot urinate for two or three hours before taking smears. And after taking a bath and after douching, there will be no discharge either, and then the analysis will not work, that is, it will be false-negative. Infections worsen before menstruation and after ingestion of spicy and salty foods. Therefore, I recommend 7 days before menstruation to start eating three days of garlic, pickles or tomatoes, herring to exacerbate the infection. This would be a double provocation for infection. I recommend washing these days in the shower, and refraining from intimate relationships, since sperm affects the analysis. By the way, there is no need to drive your spouse, as many women do, to take a sperm test. Firstly, it is difficult and humiliating for a man, and secondly, most often these are not problems with the sperm, as such, but the presence of infections that are not detected in the semen. I advise you to take semen analysis last, when the stage of examination for infections and hormones has already been passed, but nothing has come to light.

Both spouses need to understand that sometimes too much hatred for men or women accumulates in the family, and this prevents children from being born. We need to repent that we once did not want to have children (because of study or lack of an apartment - this does not matter). And to my wife also that she once envied boys: “It's good to be born a boy, it's good to men: there are no menstruation, and there is no need to give birth." Then the woman will wonder why she cannot get pregnant, but in her blood she has a high level of the male hormone testosterone, and there are few female hormones, so her periods are gone. All this is due to the dislike of oneself as a woman. You have to love yourself for who you are: without cosmetics, real. After all, a man loves her, but she does not herself.

Infertility can also be caused by micronutrient deficiencies. Contributes to infertility and ovarian dysfunction, such as manganese deficiency. It has been scientifically proven that in the body of modern people there is an excess of tin, aluminum, lead, cadmium (food colors, exhaust gases), and they can cause various diseases. Lead poisoning reduces male fertility. Cadmium is able to be absorbed in the tissues of the uterus, and the fetus accumulates cadmium from the mother's blood through the placenta. At the same time, the absorption of cadmium in women is 2 times higher than in men, and in the fetus and newborn is higher than in adults. Unfortunately, toxic microelements do not undergo self-purification processes, but can only be replaced by antagonistic metals.

Or the reason for infertility may be that the woman was fond of or engaged in magic (or her ancestors). All this together reduces the likelihood of conception. If someone cannot get pregnant after a medical abortion, reproaching themselves, or after an abortion loses subsequent pregnancies, then the exit is in repentance. In an Orthodox church, a priest reads a special prayer over such a woman. Confession, communion, charity helps. As Saint John of Kronstadt said, charity covers many sins.

Blood hormones (TSH, prolactin, total testosterone, FSH, LH) are examined and for the lupus test. And also need sanitation of the oral cavity, regular feasible physical exercise, exclusion of contact with dyes, pesticides, solvents, household chemicals. 3 months before the planned pregnancy, it is recommended to take vitamin "E" in the 2nd phase of the cycle by a capsule per day, folic acid at a dose of 400 mcg per day and magnesium preparations in courses of 6 weeks.

Spouses need to realize that they are still young, they are not 90 years old and they will succeed. Someone thinks that "is already old." But 27-35 years old is not old age. For those who consider themselves old, conception is difficult. And the fear that children will never be, and an excessive desire to have children prevent a woman from getting pregnant. It is better to mobilize: what else needs to be done, what to be examined for, who else to consult, etc. Try to increase love for your parents and for the children of other people.

The problem is not always only in the woman. If quite recently the share of male infertility was only 5%, but now it is 40%, and mutual - 20%. In modern men, fertility decreases: the number of sperm and sperm volume decreases, its quality deteriorates, and in smokers, the number of immotile sperm increases. About 60% of men with chronic inflammation suffer from infertility. In case of male infertility, it is necessary to be examined and treated by doctors: an andrologist, venereologist, endocrinologist, maybe even someone and a sexologist. To improve male semen, there are now drugs that increase the number and motility of sperm, and this increases the chance of successful conception. And if a man also quits smoking, the effect will be even better.

Some varieties of modern "live" beer contain an increased amount of natural plant hormones, under the influence of which men have a belly like a pregnant woman, and his sperm lose strength, making it difficult to conceive. In addition to being tested for infections, the husband needs to determine the hormones in the blood - TSH, prolactin, testosterone, sex-binding hormone, and make a spermogram. And in case of deviation from the norm, find strength in yourself with the support of his wife and undergo the necessary treatment. What can't you do for the children?

The food of the spouses who want to have children should be predominantly vegetable, as this increases the metabolism and the level of prostaglandins. Prostaglandins F2a and E2 are involved in all processes occurring in the reproductive system: the regulation of the menstrual cycle, peristalsis of the fallopian tubes, ovulation, uterine tone, egg advancement and sperm motility. Now doctors often prescribe an ultrasound scan, they are forced to do folliculometry repeatedly. The result is expensive and ineffective. As I say: ultrasound does not heal, and people of the 20 centuries lived without ultrasound, and got along. But many women themselves often do ultrasounds, but they do not go to doctors, and they themselves do not read the results of the ultrasound. Why then do an ultrasound scan if the doctor is not shown? Ultrasound should be prescribed by a doctor: what to watch

A case from my practice in 1985-1887, when I worked in a rural hospital. In my gynecological department, at different times, two sisters L. and N., who suffered from infertility, were treated and examined. They were married, the surnames were different, so I had no idea that they were relatives (second and third child), in total their mother had 11 children. The oldest N. was 34 years old, she had previously been unsuccessfully examined for infertility in the family planning center in Omsk, and therefore by this time she already wanted to adopt a child.

When L. and N. showed a clearly hormonal cause of infertility, they became pregnant from the very first month of taking the medication. With delight they thanked me and asked to help their third sister N. Of course, I agreed, but N. herself did not believe in the success of the treatment. And the treatment had no effect, N.'s pregnancy did not come. But in January 1987 N. showed such a decrease in hemoglobin in the blood that she was hospitalized for examination at the surgical department of the Central District Hospital. It didn't even occur to me to repeat her blood test before stimulating ovulation, because N. had been examined earlier and looked so rosy and beautiful. But it turned out that she always had beautiful makeup, which she used to cover up very pale skin! I wondered how N. with such a low hemoglobin worked, standing up all day (she worked as a salesman). They restored her hemoglobin only by pouring someone else's blood into her!

When healthy N. was discharged from the hospital, I recommended her to undergo treatment again. She assured that it would be as useless as the last three months, but then she made up her mind. She had nothing to lose, but what if she succeeded? And from the first month of treatment, N. immediately became pregnant! Hooray! And in November N. had already successfully performed a caesarean section in the regional maternity hospital. All three sisters gave birth to healthy children in 1987. And their mother, with gratitude, came to meet me and brought her fourth daughter to me for treatment.

As an Orthodox person, I recommend that the unbaptized be baptized in the Orthodox Church. The word "sin" in translation from Greek means "damage to the soul." So we need to think about the soul, why it suffers and there are no children. You need to regularly confess and receive communion, ask the Creator to give children, travel to holy places, help other people's children.

In the distant past, people waited for God to grant a child and prayed. And modern people who do not have children, having passed the necessary examination, go and pay a lot of money in the clinic, where they will be "given" a child. Someone will succeed, but someone will be unlucky, this happens when they want to bypass the Creator. It seems that everything is so simple: ask the Lord why there are no children; find out from Him the cause of infertility and eliminate it; ask God for the gift of a child, and then accept him, a child sent by the Creator. Orthodox doctor and medical psychologist K.V. Zorin in his books he writes that if God does not give children, then there is a good reason for this. The cause of infertility can be persistence and selfishness, because of which God does not fulfill an excessive desire to have children. The motives of conception are very important. What are people guided by when they want to have children? Zorin K.V. writes about other causes of infertility, for example, like 31-year-old Natalya, who was married for 8 years, but had no children. Once Natalya, having read a book about St. Matrona of Moscow, suddenly realized that she had no children because her mother had abortions. On the same day, she called her mother in another city and, expressing her pain to her, asked her to go to church and repent. The mother said that all this was not true, she would not go anywhere and she had nothing to repent of. But some time passed, after prayers and reading the akathist to Saint Matronushka Natalia, her mother called and rejoiced that she was in the church, repented to the Lord Jesus Christ. And soon Natalia became pregnant and gave birth to a son.

In 2006, I happened to be in the company of several elderly women. Two of them have never had children. Other people's children frolicked around us. Children ran back and forth, played ball, talked with each other. Normal healthy and active children, ordinary noisy ball games. All parents went through this and got used to it. But the childless old women could not bear it: after a few minutes they began to be indignant at where the parents of the children were looking, they must be pacified immediately. Further - more, cute-looking old women began to wish death to children ... It was obvious that their genes do not have love for children. Oh, it's not for nothing that they were sterile, it's not just that all this.

In 2008, I supervised a 30-year-old patient I. Here is her life story. Grandmother I. gave birth to 6 children, and her mother gave birth to one and performed 8 abortions. Her aunt has maternal infertility. I. had sex since the age of 16, she had been taking the contraceptive pills "rigevidon" for 5 years, and did not want to have children. And when she wanted, she could not get pregnant, then there was 9 years of infertility. I. was an Orthodox woman, she was married to her husband, but when I saw her, I.'s level of fear of losing a pregnancy was extremely high. She refused to see a doctor on a gynecological chair, from a midwife taking smears from the vagina for analysis, even from an electrocardiogram (EKG). And at the same time, I. really wanted to have a girl (and this is self-will). And if she had a boy? The lack of faith and distrust of God did its job: in the period of 14 weeks I. had a miscarriage, and on the eve of this detachment of the chorion began to increase steadily and reached the size of 75 mm by 29 mm. At the same time, doctors were powerless to stop the process of rejection of the fetus by the mother. But after the suffering she had endured, I. realized her mistakes and listened to my advice. And we both believed that with a new pregnancy she would succeed, because the organ was in place and I. was able to get pregnant, only we had to be able to keep the pregnancy until the full term, even a boy, even a girl - all one joy.

It is known that many infertile women undergo spa treatment (mud therapy, hydrogen sulfide baths). But not all of them know that radon baths reduce ovarian function, and after an exacerbation of a chronic inflammatory process, one cannot go to the resort for three months. As much as one would like to have offspring as soon as possible, one must remember that after spa treatment one cannot become pregnant for two months, as it has been proven by practice: there is a high risk of ectopic pregnancy. I have had such patients who had to operate after the spa. For some reason, no one had warned them before. It is also important that if the spouses are undergoing medication for any disease, it is better to conceive a child two months after the end of treatment. After all, it is only from the blood that drugs are quickly removed, but not from the cells: this process takes at least two months.

Now some women began to say: to give birth, to give birth, as much as God will give, as soon as the opportunity arises for this. And in the Bible, for example, it is written: “Do not covet a multitude of worthless children and do not rejoice over the sons of the wicked. When they multiply, do not rejoice over them if there is no fear of the Lord in them. Do not rely on their lives and do not rely on their multitude. Better is one righteous man than a thousand sinners, and it is better to die childless than to have children of the wicked ”(Sire 16; 1-4).

In June 2013, I read in the Omsk Orthodox newspaper "Annunciation" about how, after a trip to the belt of the Most Holy Theotokos, three women pilgrims from the group gave birth to long-awaited babies after a long period of sterility. And at the end of 2013, I gave my friend V. (for the new year) my book "Blessed Childbirth". And her daughter L. brought this book to her work to make a photocopy of one chapter. Her colleague saw this and wanted to read the book, since her daughter was infertile. In my book, a colleague L. read a story about 27-year-old O., who had already had two pregnancy losses, had hormonal disorders, and O. had been treated unsuccessfully for several years by an endocrinologist-gynecologist. I then found out that he and his own mother are enemies, and after reconciliation, the hormones in O.'s blood became normal.

So that's it. It turned out that L.'s colleague had the same situation in life: he and her daughter were also in a quarrel. After reading about this, the mother herself went to her daughter to make up, and gave her my book "Blessed Childbirth" to read. And already at the end of April 2014 L. called me and told me the good news: her colleague's daughter will give birth in October! It is interesting that a colleague, having told all this to L., asked her: “What do you think, is this a simple coincidence?”, But L. firmly answered that it was no coincidence, but as if the book helped.

It is clear that without the participation of a man, a woman's child will not be able to appear, well, except by the IVF method. In 2009, I was asked to consult P., who, according to him, had “dead sperm,” and he wanted a child to tears. But P. did not believe that he would have children. Since after the trauma of the genitals P. underwent surgery, and believed that the doctors were to blame, they bandaged him the wrong way: “They didn’t sew like that.” I questioned this reason: the doctors helped him, in fact, and the reason for infertility is never the same. What should he do? It turned out that this infertile man smokes a lot, was not examined for sexually transmitted infections, and did not determine the level of his hormones in the blood. And P. did not undergo any other examination by doctors, and he did not plan to quit smoking. But the desire to have children is not enough. P. had to undergo a complete examination, if necessary, eliminate the identified infections, and be sure to quit smoking. That is, it is necessary to "revive the sperm", as he wants IVF to help.

Without a doubt, there is always a reason, finding out and eliminating which, many women can become pregnant naturally. But sometimes people, without finding out the cause of infertility and without eliminating it, naively believe that they can easily get a child for money and then do in vitro fertilization (IVF) 4-5 times. So, in the spring of 2010, I supervised a pregnant 34-year-old Z. after IVF, who first learned from me about the dangers of smoking. But even after that, Z. did not part with the addiction, although the woman did not have children. Z.'s husband was also a smoker. It is known that smoking makes it difficult to conceive, but many infertile smokers or those who have lost a child before do not even try to quit smoking, and thereby increase the chance of having a child. Why smoke at the risk of losing such an expensive pregnancy? And if earlier women who underwent removal of the fallopian tubes went to IVF, then modern women go to IVF with intact organs and unexplained causes of infertility. And some people get a pregnancy even without IVF, if God's help is added to the efforts of doctors. You shouldn't rely only on money and high technologies.

For some, IVF does not help either. For example, such a case from my practice. The couple, due to their husband's infertility, which they did not even try to treat, turned to artificial insemination. They just paid for the donor sperm. And so three times. For the first time, artificial insemination with donor sperm ended in miscarriage at 16 weeks of pregnancy. I happened to meet this woman when N. at the age of 27, after the third in vitro fertilization with donor sperm at 18 weeks of gestation, the cervix was stitched. N.'s desire to have a child was excessive. I think that a woman would not be so worried if the reason why she and her husband did not have children before were eliminated.

With God's help, you can fix a lot. The priests advise that if the Lord does not give children (even through IVF), one should not despair. It is necessary to pray to the Lord, the Most Pure Theotokos and the saints who have been waiting for children for a long time. These are the forefathers Abraham and Sarah, the righteous parents of John the Forerunner, Zechariah and Elizabeth. Prayers to the Monk Savva the Sanctified, who was a strict monk, also help, but pieces of a palm tree planted by him in the Holy Land (they are distributed by monks at the entrance to the Lavra) help with infertility. The prayer for the gift of children is also read by the spouses. After all, children are a gift from God, a gift, a reward, just like a caring husband who loves children. It's good when everything fits well and works out. But if not, it is no coincidence.

What if there are no children?

I am also healthy for medical reasons, but there were no children for a long time. It turned out that the genetic background was violated because of this, there were abortions even before the next. That is, I was constantly pregnant for no more than 3 weeks. It turns out that the menstruation has passed, I don't know about pregnancy, there are no signs - pregnancy failure and menstruation right away - I think that menstruation. Even there was no suspicion of pregnancy. I found out by chance. I went to the doctor with a complaint that my back hurts during my period. I was told to come as soon as it hurts. It turned out it was already a miscarriage.

Those who have not had such a problem will not understand us. We have not had children for 9 years. And we have tried in various ways to solve this problem, a huge problem.

We went to the grandmas, there is no result. We went to Tataria to see father Oleg, there is no result.

We were at the monastery, it did not help, Father Iranim said that your time had not come yet. Were at Matronushka's, no. Married, no. We went to the Dolmens to the south, zero again. She helped the poor so that the Lord would have mercy, no. We went to the clinic, they immediately wanted a lot of money and did not begin to understand the problem. And we all went through this with my husband, but it turned out that his first wife made great efforts to this (after all, they did not have and do not have children either). Everything passed and the Lord gave us a baby for our tears, son. The emptiness left the soul. We did not give up and firmly decided to achieve our goal and I wish you that. Any problem must be solved with all efforts and then everything will work out.

As far as I believe, you must always believe. Faith very often helps us in many problems.

Well, in extreme cases - a child can be adopted, though this is a huge responsibility, which not every married couple can accept !!

It depends on how many years there are no children. If not so long ago, then in no case should you lose hope. After all, now there are so many different methods in order to achieve the birth of children. Be sure to pray it helps a lot! My relatives also had such a case. Also, there were no children for a long time and they decided: since no, let's try to take the baby. But this must be a sincere desire, you can't imagine, after a while the woman found out that she was pregnant. This is what I was told, and how to relate to this is an individual matter. Maybe it was in the old Soviet times, everything was different, I don't know. But there was such an interesting case!

Well, a very familiar situation. For a long eleven years, all my husband's and my attempts to have a child could not be crowned with success. Many years and money were spent on a lot of examinations, which all, as one thing, showed that both were healthy. But the long-awaited pregnancy did not come. They turned to both the so-called psychics and fortune-tellers. But nothing brought the desired result. How many unpleasant words were heard in my address, how many sympathetic glances I caught on myself. Even remembering is scary. In the end, only three options remained. Either IVF, for which we, alas, did not have money, or an adopted child, whom I no longer wanted - I was afraid that I would not be able to love him like a real mother and I would not be able to give him the so necessary affection, and, as an option, to forget at all about children and devote yourself to something else. We thought for a long time and, as a result, decided that since it happened that way, it’s not destiny and you shouldn’t get hung up on it. By this time, my brother had a daughter and I decided to give all my love to her. But two months have passed since the adoption of such a difficult decision and I learned that we will have a baby. He is now six months old. Let your friends not despair, but surrender to the will of fate. There will be happiness in their house.

My opinion: if God does not give something, then it is not necessary. I know cases when a couple walked, one might say. against nature, decided on IVF, as a result, they raised a spoiled, capricious, selfish, incapable person, and even provide him. And is it worth giving birth for this? In addition, there is adoption, it's great when a child from an orphanage gets a new family.

Hope is never worth losing. Very often, a change of scenery, extreme travel, and other stressful but positive situations help a woman get pregnant. Make a present for the children in the orphanage, go there together, feel how pleasant it is to communicate with the children, if possible, spend time there, play, read books. As they say now, visualize communication with children. If you make a younger family friend, that's great too, you can switch from your problem, new worries will appear, new joy. And when children appear, they will help in their upbringing, in the formation of personal qualities.

There is no need to get hung up on this goal - to get pregnant. If everything is in order with health, then probably the favorable time for conception has not yet come. After all. what is not being done is for the better! Engage in self-education, find a new hobby, travel, and get only positive emotions - then everything will work out!

Since no means, and it is not necessary, you should accept and live like that. How many cases were there when a child was adopted, he grew up and ruined the life of adoptive parents. Or because of some artificial means, misfortunes also occurred. Nothing in this life happens in vain, no means it is not necessary. God did not give and thank God.