It is important for a lay person not only to find a spiritual father, but also to maintain mutual trust and love with him. How can this be achieved, avoiding tactlessness towards the confessor? How not to cross the line between freedom and obedience? And, on the other hand, how can a young priest see spiritual service in its true light and learn to distinguish the important from the secondary, to hear and understand another person? What mistakes to avoid when confessing, what to consider when confessing spouses in a family conflict? The confessor of the Moscow (regional) diocese, cleric of the Theotokos-Smolensk Novodevichy monastery, Archimandrite Kirill (Semyonov), reflects on this.

- Your Eminence! There are situations when a priest serves alone in a parish, putting his whole soul and strength into it. But the majority of parishioners do not see him as their spiritual father. Although it is possible that they need spiritual nourishment. How can a priest gain the trust of his flock?

- One by one, priests serve in most rural churches. And of course, if sincere, trusting relations do not arise between him and the flock, this will become a serious mutual problem. In order for a priest to develop trust and develop deeper spiritual relationships with his flock, he needs to strive to love the parishioners as his spiritual children. To love as members of his family, over which he - in a spiritual sense - is made head. When a priest is called to the service, he comes into contact with the life and life of his parishioners. But it is necessary not only to fulfill what is required: come on confess, let me sing, get married, and I don't need anything more from you, to delve into and know how everyone lives in his spiritual family. Concerns and circumstances of a person's life, his family, occupation. And then there will be mutual love. And if he is the head of a spiritual family, then it is quite natural, knowing this life, to participate and help if necessary. He will not be a stranger to them, and this "not a stranger" is probably the best definition.

Such qualities as love, patience, condescension, attentive attitude to the soul of another person, to his troubles, needs and joys, attention of the heart can help here. This will be the basis of real spiritual guidance for any priest. And parishioners, as the vast church experience shows, will only respond with love.

- What do you call "attention of the heart"?

- "Attention of the heart" can be called such a quality in which not only your mind, but also your heart is opened to another person. When such attention can appear in your heart that it extends not only to the outer side of his life, but to the depths of his soul. To do this, your heart must be attentive to what is happening in the heart of this person. After all, a spiritual child can limit himself to certain words, but if your heart is attentive, it will see a real problem about which a person may be ashamed and ashamed to say. But in those outer words in which he expresses his confession, you can feel what is behind them.

- And if you look at the situation from the other side. How can a young priest gain authority if he has just come to the parish, but all the attention and trust of the parishioners is only to the priest who has been serving here for a long time?

- Much depends on a more experienced priest, how to bring his young brother into the life of the parish and win people over to him. More wisdom is required on the part of the experienced, and on the part of the young one there should be humility in these circumstances and a desire to truly join this family. He can win favor with his love, his attention to the parishioners, a desire to bear some of the burdens of a more experienced priest. After all, the creation of a fraternal atmosphere depends on both of them. Both should understand that they are doing the common work of the Church, the work of salvation, exercising pastoral care. Then there will be no problems.

There are situations when a priest serves in a rural parish, but his flock, these people, he somehow does not like. He wants to go to another parish, but he is not given it. It means that you have to work where you were put, and help exactly those people. To do this, you need to accept them as they are. Try to help them become better. Strive for this all the time, clearly realizing that you must become a father for them. The Church has put you in this place.

We must not forget that a hundred years ago people were attached to the temple and the sacraments from childhood. And now they come to the Church at a mature age, sometimes severely broken by life and vices, and it is very difficult to build relationships if a person has nothing to facilitate his joining the Church. There is a lot of work here. It is impossible only by human efforts, there must be prayer. And she helps, and many people are turning. We are talking about church revival, but it should be manifested primarily not within the walls, but in the cleansing of human souls from sin.

- If a parishioner regularly confesses with the same priest, can he consider this shepherd his spiritual father?

- Maybe. But you need to understand that in relation to the spiritual father, there must be obedience. Therefore, so that no unnecessary problems arise in these relations, you need to obtain the consent of the priest himself to be your spiritual father.

Not to decide for yourself - this is my spiritual father, but to talk to him about it first. An experienced priest will never immediately refuse, but will say: "Okay, let's talk, talk, get to know each other better. Maybe you decide that I'm not ready for this." Suppose you enjoy his sermon or his spiritual advice, but are not comfortable with his hot temper. It will be difficult for you to communicate with him if you cannot overcome this characteristic of your shepherd or some of his views. It takes time for both to get used to and find an opportunity for spiritual and spiritual communication. In the end, love can win everything. Both yours and his shortcomings, and lead to what you were looking for. I heard such conversations: "How can you go to this priest, he is so harsh, intolerant ?!" "No, you don't know him, he is only outwardly like that, but he is ready to lay down his soul for you!" This is the case when a person realized that the character of the priest is secondary, the priest is trying to work on this. And at the same time, there are virtues that attract him as a confessor.

Personal experience

- Did you have a spiritual father during your youth? What was the value of this relationship for you personally?

- I came to believe in God as a teenager, but I came to the Church much later. I deliberately chose my spiritual father at the age of 26. This was preceded by several years of searches, both spiritual and vital. But when a very serious crisis hit my life, I realized that I needed spiritual help. I visited several Moscow churches (in the late 1970s there were only 44 operating in Moscow), and in one of them I saw a priest, whose word literally stopped me: I immediately decided that this person should become my spiritual father. To my request, he replied simply: "Come on such and such a day, we'll talk." From that day, our long-term spiritual and friendly relations began. They took shape gradually, in mutual trust and without any exaltation, calmly and seriously. Their value for me was that I began to truly enter the Church, into her life. He began to become churched: to confess, receive communion, study theology and church tradition. Gradually, I made many wonderful and faithful friends who were also the spiritual children of this priest. In the end, on his advice, I later became a priest myself.

My spiritual father was very serious (not strict, but serious). He came to the Church in adulthood and had a secular education. Many took his seriousness for coldness. But there was no coldness in him. And when you began to communicate with him, it became clear that behind this external coldness was hiding a kind and very attentive heart. But it took time to understand and see this. I remember with what love and attention he treated others. And reciprocal love was born as a feeling of gratitude to a person who very carefully enters your life, sparing your weaknesses as much as possible. Not suppressing your will, but gradually introducing you into the circle of a real church tradition. I am very grateful to him for his patience and indulgence. Because it was difficult to enter the Church like this and immediately fall in love and accept everything in her that is worthy of love. Of course, I had questions, and a thinking person should have them. But gradually all this was resolved by love and joint prayer.

- Did he compose some kind of churching program for you?

- I was already about 30 years old, but I knew nothing about the Church, and at first he directed my self-education. Sometimes he warned me about some theological phenomena and tendencies, in particular about Renovationism. About books that must be read carefully. He not only advised, but also warned: "If you read this, pay attention to this and that. Maybe the author looks too liberally at these phenomena." He never forbade anything. Maybe he saw in me a person who is able to figure it out himself. But we all started with the alphabet, with such Christian ascetic books like Abba Dorotheos and John Climacus. After all, then there was a book hunger for Orthodox literature.

Today I find small brochures, separate pages, and I understand how then each page was important and valuable, how much important information it carried. Today you would flip through it without even noticing, since there is such an abundance of books and literature of any direction in the church book industry that your eyes run wide. Then we knew how to appreciate the smallest crumbs that we could get. They typed them on a typewriter or even copied them by hand. In the 1980s, we at MDAiS did not have free abstracts, these were "blind" reprints made on a typewriter using the notes of the 1950s in thick covers. We could use the MDA library, but that wasn't enough either.

Today it is even too much literature and there is a problem that soul-harming books are published under the brand of Orthodoxy. Here you need order and control, because people are sometimes seduced by spiritual beauty.

The experience of building a confession

- Among them there are many brochures on how to prepare for confession. Some of them do not in any way tune the heart to a repentant mood, and confession turns into a formal enumeration of sins. Maybe these brochures are not worth reading at all? Or is there something they can do to help?

- For me, at one time such a book was the book of the ever-memorable Father John (Krestyankin) "The Experience of Building Confession", in which the priest revealed in detail each commandment of beatitude precisely from the point of view of repentance. She was very popular then, there were no others. These were the first swallows of church spiritual literature, which then began to be published in large editions. And the first time I used it, when I just became a priest. It turned out to be useful for many. But, of course, any book of this kind inevitably suffers from formalism. And some of them can be called a manual for aversion from real living confession.

I came across such books where there is simply a list of sins, but such that a person has never heard of. For example, a confessor begins to confess a young girl according to such a manual and ask questions regarding the details of her intimate life, from which an adult would be embarrassed. In this case, apart from temptation and even mental trauma, the person who comes to confession will receive nothing. And this is really the destruction of a person's soul, when it is not taken into account who you ask these questions and how necessary it is. As a priest who accepts confession, I myself stopped using any brochures, having developed for myself a certain character of confession and its content. And, knowing the people who come, you don't need to invent anything, they themselves speak. You just ask them two or three questions for clarification.

An attentive confessor himself must recommend to his children how best to prepare for confession, and, of course, there is nothing better and more fruitful than an individual confession. There will be no place in it for formalism, or for questions that have nothing to do with the life of a particular person. Of course, there is a so-called general confession when there is a large crowd, for example, before fasting. And here a serious confessor must choose a spiritually sober confession guide. Short, but succinct, to help people, and not to push them away, not to leave them insensitive to the need for real repentance. Or he himself must be able, without any help, to build a small word before confession, when there is no longer time for a conversation with each person - this will take a week. And he only has an hour and a half. In this case, his words should relate to the most important aspects of a person's confession, and, probably, the easiest way is to build them according to the Beatitudes.

- If a young priest asked how to learn to confess, what would you answer him?

- I would advise him to learn to hear a person. Because a person came not just to get advice, but first of all to express the most important thing that torments him. Therefore, the priest must learn to listen. And even more listening than talking. And sometimes you don't need to say anything. Because a person, having expressed, immediately brings repentance. And you see: he understands everything correctly, but he sinned and came with real repentance, and there is no need to explain anything. And sometimes it is necessary to clarify the sin and how to deal with this sin most effectively. And when you listen carefully, you will surely understand what to say to him in response. Only when you listen carefully. People need to speak out. And sin sometimes requires both words and tears, and this must be patiently, if there is an opportunity and time, to listen and accept. Then the person will walk away with a healed heart. And if the priest instead starts preaching, citing quotes - this can only ruin everything. Such is the impatience, his insistent pressure. And if this does not yet sound participation and attention to the person, then the person will most likely think: "Father told me something, I did not understand." And everything remained as it was, and everyone remained unconvinced.

- Are there any "pitfalls" for a priest who is the confessor of both husband and wife, the whole family?

- The most dangerous and, alas, common temptation is to take one side. A priest is required here to be impassive and sincere. You can't afford to be drawn to someone else's side. Naturally, every family has disagreements or conflicts. And each of the parties, the woman usually more often, seeks to "conquer" the priest and, with his help, attack the opponent. The confessor should definitely try to listen to both sides. Two different versions will be offered to your judgment, but the task is to try to bring both of them to the truth and find out what is really happening, where is the lie and where is the truth. Without getting up initially on someone's side. But when it becomes clear who is right and who is not, then again, without taking any position, try to convey to the one who is wrong what his spouse is right. And help you accept this truth.

Of course, spouses are not easy to confess, since they are looking for an ally in the person of a priest in order to strengthen their position and thereby achieve, as it seems to them, confirmation of their innocence. But a priest should be very careful and consider only spiritual issues, and not property or any material problems. There he shouldn't intrude. The priest can correct, advise. But do not give ready-made solutions: you need to change, disperse, get divorced. The task of the Church is to preserve, not destroy. And as for marriages, sometimes a wife comes and says: "That's it, father, I'm divorcing him." "What's the matter?" "Why, he told me that! I can't forgive." This is the minimum, but there are also serious problems - drunkenness and domestic violence.

- If a priest, having understood the relationship of the spouses, sees that the family is destroyed and agrees to a divorce, how can he explain such a decision?

- Not an easy question. If you see that in fact there is no family, then the divorce here is already just a formal legal action. There is no family that the Church blesses. And that nothing remained of the marriage, except for living together in the same territory. And only enmity, beatings, treason, suffering and tears of children.

And I do not see the point, why live together if the family is destroyed, if their life together does not give them anything but hatred. In this connection, it seems to me, these canons need to be amended so as not to pass off what is not, as what seems to still exist. This is not a marriage or a family - what is the point of continuing mutual torment, and perhaps it is better to free people from this burden? And they will calm down, after parting, they will come to their senses. Or they will somehow build their life in the future. Yes, it will be trauma and drama, but still a way out of an inhuman situation.

- How to figure out how often you should confess if you do not have a spiritual father?

- Ideally, you need to confess as often as possible, because in confession a person always talks about the most important thing. Conversely, the less often a person confesses, the more he relaxes spiritually. Sin should burn our heart, literally drive us to confession. But more often, alas, it happens otherwise, and we are in no hurry to repentance. And we even put up with unrepentant sin in our hearts. Not noticing how he continues to destroy us. The books of the holy fathers, especially the ascetic fathers, help in spiritual work on oneself. And here I can recommend the same Abba Dorotheos, John Climacus, Isaac the Syrian. And from today's adapted literature - St. Ignatius (Brianchaninov). Saint Theophan the Recluse, for example, has a whole cycle of books on how to build your spiritual life, which is impossible without confession. More modern authors are Father Alexander Yelchaninov and Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh.

The content of confession is determined by the specific life of a specific person. It happens that someone does not crawl out of sins and needs to confess every day. Another confesses less often, but will always say something important, understanding well what sin is. Sometimes people say: "Father, I don't know what to repent of." This is the most infantile state of mind. The person does not know anything and does not understand what to repent of? And if you offer him two or three commandments, he agrees: yes, I have sinned in this. And you understand that a person is simply not used to asking himself, he is not used to thinking, he does not even understand what sin is. I would like to tell him: and you take the commandments of the Savior, understand through them for yourself what sin is, what the Lord does not want to see in you, from what He wants to deliver you, and start with this. Take a sheet of paper and remember the most important thing, do not be ashamed of anything, do not forget, write it down - this will be your confession. And the main thing will be followed by other things that will be remembered, they will certainly begin to "crawl" out of you.

- How does confession affect a person's spiritual life? How does it help in the accumulation, deepening, and expansion of spiritual experience?

- Influences and helps in the most direct way. After all, confession is a sacrament, and a sacrament for us is the source of the grace of the Holy Spirit, without which a person by himself is not capable of any spiritual life. It is an illusion that a person himself can change and decide everything. No, only in cooperation with the Lord God, with the grace of the Holy Spirit.

It is said: Wisdom will not enter into an evil soul (Wisdom 1: 4). What does it mean? A soul poisoned by sin and left without repentance cannot work for the Lord. You can study theological sciences, know and constantly quote Scripture, but if at the same time a person does not care about purifying his heart, all his knowledge is extensive and his abilities do not help him in spiritual development. I know of many examples of how a person, having begun to regularly and seriously confess, in the most obvious way begins to change and transform for the better. His prayer life becomes deeper, sharp and negative manifestations of some spiritual qualities disappear. He becomes softer, calmer, kinder, more responsive to other people's pain and need, capable of compassion. From the outside it is always more noticeable.

People sometimes say: Father, this is how much I repent, I pray, but I have not changed. No, you are wrong. I have been observing you and have known you for a long time, and this is not quite what you think. And maybe you should feel so that you do not relax your efforts.

Freedom and obedience

- How often do you apply penance to your spiritual children as a punishment? How is this expressed?

- People often ask them to punish them, I do not strive for this. This is how we are made. Rather, we are such by our sinful nature that sometimes we cannot reform without punishment. I am not a supporter of any harsh bans (and I learned this in my time from my confessor), I use them extremely rarely, and even then in accordance with the capabilities of a person and the characteristics of his life. Someone - until deep repentance - can be given strict advice to abstain from the sacrament so that it does not appear to a person in court and condemnation, someone can resort to frequent prostrations to the ground and daily reading of the canon of repentance for a certain period. In the Church Slavonic language the word "punishment" has a different meaning than in colloquial Russian, namely, "teaching". Therefore, perhaps, the best punishment will be precisely teaching a person the correct way of action, not so much by means of some tough disciplinary measures (although this is not excluded), as by the desire to penetrate a person's heart with the word of love, which itself can change a lot in a person.

- How are freedom and obedience related? Isn't a person deprived of freedom by following all the advice of his spiritual father?

- What kind of freedom are we talking about? It is clear that it is not about the freedom to sin recklessly. Let us remember what the Lord tells us: If you abide in My word, then you are truly My disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free (John 8: 31-32). This means that the condition of true freedom will be faithfulness to the word of Christ, who Himself is the truth and the path of true life. Therefore, the word of the spiritual father to his child should not be in conflict with the word of the Lord. If this is so, then obedience to the confessor will be, in fact, obedience to Christ Himself, and this will lead a person to real freedom from self-will and sin. Then there will be no contradiction between freedom and obedience. Obedience is not just a confessor, but a confessor who speaks the words of Christ, shows the way to Christ. And God forbid, when the words of Christ are substituted by the confessor for his private opinion and whims.

- And if we are talking about freedom in creativity?

- Creativity is that side of life that can be irrational and less subject to any direct restrictions. If this is a believing person, then in his work he must have the fear of God and certain concepts about the possible and the impossible. In particular, that the freedom of his creativity should not contradict the truth that he professes. It should not go beyond those boundaries beyond which it is meaningless to talk about freedom, because this will already be freedom to sin. And a creative person should always understand that he needs to be a co-creator with God, no matter what field he chooses: music, poetry, painting or the composition of philosophical treatises. His work can be multifaceted, multifaceted, content in different ways, but it must remain within the boundaries of Christ's word and Christ's commandment, lead to Christ.

- Can you, as a confessor, be disappointed by the confession of a spiritual child? Can you tell us about the different types of relationship "confessor - spiritual child"?

- Yes maybe. Sometimes, you expect from a person some fruits of his spiritual work, but he comes to confession and discovers, for example, laziness, carelessness or sinful self-will, selfishness, coldness, obvious unreason. People are people, and it is hard work to defeat your old man. This requires a lot of patience from the confessor. Relationships are also very different. You can tell someone that your relationship does not work out (this also happens, especially when you see that a person does not want to take spiritual life seriously, but is simply looking for an interesting interlocutor in the person of the priest). And there are very long-term, deep relationships, and you are happy to see how Christ sometimes works with a person a real miracle of transformation. With someone spiritual contact is established almost immediately, with someone it is more difficult, someone leaves on his own (this is so that the confessor, probably, could ask himself why the person left him as a confessor). The confessor must also ask himself such a question.

- What is the reason for the misunderstanding that arises when confessors communicate with spiritual children? How to avoid this?

- Misunderstandings arise when people speak different languages. This is the same in spiritual relationships. A confessor needs to know in general terms the life of his spiritual child, his character, habits, interests, take into account his physical and mental capabilities, if, for example, it is about fasting. This will help to lead the spiritual child correctly, and he will have more trust and understanding towards the spiritual father. Problems can be avoided only when there is mutual trust and love.

- With what spiritual bewilderment, problems should you definitely turn to your spiritual father?

- First of all, with spiritual questions. And it often happens that a priest in confession is invited to participate in absentia in the division of property, real estate, or to solve the purely everyday problems of a relative, about whom you have not heard anything at all until this day. Among the most important spiritual problems are internal, mental problems. Everything related to difficulties in relations with people who have become a habit of passions and vices, possible doubts about the truth of Holy Scripture or church tradition, problems associated with prayer work or fasting - with all this you need to go to the confessor, to the priest. And not to "grandmothers at the candlestick", who are often out of the best intentions, but not having the necessary spiritual knowledge and experience, will advise something from which you can really suffer in the spiritual sense.

- What if, for some reason, you are disappointed in your spiritual father? For example, a spiritual father has committed some act that the spiritual child regards as negative.

- And you do not need to be fascinated by anyone and never, in order not to be disappointed someday. The confessor is also a person who is not immune from mistakes. Obedience should not be blind and reckless. And if this happens, then the spiritual child, of course, must try to find out with the spiritual father himself the essence of the problem. If nothing can be changed and a person's conscience does not allow him to continue to maintain spiritual relations, he is free to leave such a confessor. There is no sin here, the sin would be in the continuation of an already insincere relationship. However, it is important to keep in heart gratitude to your former confessor and continue to pray for him as a priest and a person, so that everything will be fine with him. Not to become cold and embittered, but to preserve the good that he received from his confessor.

- Should the relationship with the spiritual father be somehow regulated so that it would not be tactless on the part of the spiritual child?

- You cannot make something like a pocket oracle out of a spiritual father or stuff yourself into "the most beloved children." It would be tactless to dispose of the time and life of the confessor for insignificant, not the most important reasons, literally pursuing him (and so it happens) with his annoying requests to meet, talk, pay you more attention than others.

An experienced confessor himself, first of all, should be able to regulate his relations with spiritual children and the relations of his spiritual children with each other. Try to avoid unnecessary jealousy towards him. For women, for example, this happens. Men are more restrained and balanced, and a woman herself sometimes does not know what she is looking for and wants: serious spiritual work or her emotional outbursts. Any position of a confessor in such cases is spiritual love. Only she helps the confessor to build the right relationship with the spiritual child. And, without getting lost in some of your emotions, look for one thing that is needed.

Mitred Archpriest Georgy BREEV - one of the oldest Moscow clergy, rector of the Church of the Nativity of the Most Holy Theotokos in Krylatskoye and the diocesan confessor of Moscow - twice a year he confesses all Moscow clergy. We can say that all the Orthodox priests of the capital passed before his eyes. Many have used and are using his spiritual help. Our conversation with Fr. George is dedicated to spiritual guidance - something that a Christian cannot easily do without.

Spiritual leadership is one of the most pressing and at the same time confusing issues in church life today. Some seriously believe that there are no such spirit-bearing elders to whom one can completely surrender oneself, which means that one does not even need to seek any spiritual guidance. Others, on the contrary, are ready to carry out the instructions of any priest without questioning, seeing in them the decrees of God Himself. What, in your opinion, should spiritual leadership be in modern church practice? Where is the golden mean?

Our people - it has always been so - is looking for high ideals, including in spiritual life. For example, spirit-bearing elders, great ascetics, and sometimes people even try to "make someone holy" themselves. Nowadays, this tendency is generally strong: to “lift up” someone and worship him as a saint. “One mother said about a certain priest that he lived so high that he worked miracles,” and “evidence of holiness” begins to grow around this. Someone wants to become famous themselves, and someone wants to glorify someone. When it comes to canonization, it becomes obvious that many of the claims are untenable. This, probably, has always taken place in historical life.

This is actually a difficult question. I recall the answer of St. Ignatius Brianchaninov to the complaints of one of the zealots of monastic life: why are there few spirit-bearing leaders in our time? - Where can they come from if piety is dwindling in the world? What a startlingly truthful word and what a true picture of interdependence: life in the world is a prelude to monastic life. In addition, a more pessimistic statement by St. Ignatius about the need to turn to the undeniable authority of Holy Scripture in view of the impoverishment of spiritual leadership is known.

You probably don't need to look for some kind of “unconditional authority”: you came to your spiritual father, he told you a word, and in an instant you seemed to be completely reborn. This can be an exception. Reading about the Optina elders, you think: what was in the advice they gave people? For example, the letters of the Monk Ambrose - indeed, one is moved by the soul, marveling at their simplicity. But at the same time, his word corresponded to the spiritual order of the people who came to him, wrote to him. He saw a man in his spirit, understood what he needed to say. Let's say: "Go, go, save yourself, dear!" Can't the parish priest say “be saved”? Can. But in the word of the saint's instruction there was something - there was spiritual strength in him, everything was immediately embedded in him, as in a grain. And he said “be saved” in such a way that it made a person think: “So, I do not live like a Christian, I don’t do something basic in life, I don’t know God and I don’t pray to Him,” and therefore begin to work on myself. And we are often not assembled, the faith is weak, there is no prayer, but at the same time we are looking for a star to fall from the sky, and everything immediately settled down without our efforts.

And further. I advise those looking for ascetic elders to ask themselves: for what purpose am I looking for an elder? And if I find it, then what? They will say to me: “Do this!”, But I am not ready to do that yet. After all, in order to be led by an elder, you also need to prepare your soul for this, together with the prophet David, declare your determination to act according to the will of God: “Lord, I am looking for You, I want to do Your will ... Tell me, Lord, the way, the stench will go as for Thee, take my soul (Ps. 142: 8). "

But the instructions of any cleric can be very pertinent! Some priests are well aware of the Holy Scriptures, the holy fathers and ascetics of piety. And, of course, they can from the treasury of the heart (see: Matthew 13, 52) bring out a reasonable, kind word, which will be very useful for the parishioners. Even if this shepherd is not a saint, he lives by the word of God and tries to stick to it. Why is his experience often neglected, not used (without, of course, making him a saint)? Yes, because someone is looking not for understanding how to correct himself, but for someone's strength, which, against his will, “shied away from above,” and he would immediately change, become a different person. But this cannot be - all the same, everyone needs to work independently, working on themselves, learning to see their own sins and correct them.

Of course, there are some incongruities in personal spiritual life. This does not mean that there were no spiritual mentors. Saint Ignatius (Brianchaninov) lamented in his ascetic writings, saying: “There are many saints in our time” (however, the saint, most likely, had in mind the elders of high measure, because he strove for the perfection of monastic life). Let's imagine that all this was at the beginning of the 19th century, when great saints lived - such as Seraphim of Sarov, Optina and other elders. At the same time, the saint himself was nourished by a confessor, then by another.

The problem of finding a real mentor always remains relevant ... But you can also look from the other side: now there are a lot of priests, and I want to say that if you are looking for a spiritual mentor, pray and ask. Of many, the Lord will give you a spiritual guide. Only prepare yourself to obey your spiritual father. Pray sincerely, repent of your sins, seek with all your might to strengthen your faith, and then turn to God: "Lord, send me someone who could be my spiritual guide." And the Finger of God will show you.

What qualities should first distinguish a true shepherd who can lead others to salvation?

It is the gift or ability of reasoning. The Monk Anthony the Great was asked the question: what is the highest virtue of spiritual life? He answered: the gift of reasoning. And if a priest, even if he is young, attentive, focused, reverent, serves with love, responsibly fulfills his priestly duty, then the Lord will not deprive him of His mercies and grace and will always put on his heart that answer or that word to the questioner that needs to be said for his soul benefits. The main thing is that the priest does not have a profane attitude towards his dignity and service before the Throne of God.

- Confessor and spiritual father are different concepts?

Each priest has been given the authority to teach, instruct, receive confession, and absolve from sins in the Sacrament of Repentance. And every priest in our country is also a confessor to some extent. But there are confessors who are elected to this position by the hierarchy.

There is a certain difference between the concepts of “confessor” and “spiritual father”. It was beautifully formulated by the Apostle Paul: "You have many overseers, but your father is one - I gave birth to you with the word of the gospel." Sometimes people just come to church for services, listen to sermons, sometimes you receive confessions from them. But they do not ask me (or another priest) to become their spiritual father. When parishioners ask to accept them as spiritual children, here the level of responsibility is higher, here a person gives himself completely to the guidance of his father, to the one whom he has chosen as a spiritual father. The question arises: “Have you thought it over, weighed it, checked yourself? If so, let us pray together with you, and if there is no change for several months, then I will be your spiritual father. " Then we negotiate the rules of spiritual relations: what issues to solve with me directly, what with any priest, with whom to confess, if the confessor is absent at the moment. And the crucial questions need only be resolved with the spiritual father. A person chooses a spiritual father-mentor for himself - in spirit, that is, one who is closer in feelings, feelings, mental disposition, in mutual communication. It is no coincidence that monastics have a proverb: "If you are harsh, go to Sarov, if you are stubborn, go to Valaam."

What is the measure of freedom of a confessor in his leadership of spiritual children? When does what might be called an abuse of spiritual authority begin? And, conversely, in what way does the priest have the right and even the obligation to exercise this power?

A priest can only use one power - to remove a person from vice, sin and bring him closer to God. And the child must be entrusted to the spiritual father with his soul, his conscience, and it is necessary for a prayerful confidential communication between the spiritual child and the confessor.

The measure of freedom in the relationship "confessor - child" is that the priest should not overshadow Christ, put himself in the first place. And the spiritual child is in the freedom, granted by the grace of God, to honor the confessor as a minister of the Sacraments of God, without clinging to him sensually, humanly. And then in Christ he will be able to be a worthy member of Christ's Church, will be able to experience the greatness of the Glory of God. It happens that children can become so attached to the shepherd that they forget about God, that they are going to the Church not to Father Peter or Father John, but first of all - to appear before the Lord. And the priest is his helper - a witness, a mentor who helps to gain living faith, to love God, to fulfill His commandments. And if spiritual relations are transferred to sensual ones, then some actions are performed out of passion - for example, preferences are given to some priest: this one is good, everyone is bad, jealous, envious - then from this enmity, division and other disorders begin.

- What is the measure of the confessor's responsibility for the child and what is it?

The question is complex and multifaceted. Shepherding is a very responsible one, it is a path that even saints, such as St. John Chrysostom or Basil the Great, were careful about, for they understood that the most important principle in shepherding, as in medicine, was not to harm. This commandment: “Spiritually do not harm the flock” is the first thing a priest should remember. Whether I instruct or preach - I must be afraid to direct a person to the wrong path. Therefore, the priest is obliged to have a clear understanding of the righteous ways of the Lord, the dogmas of faith, rules and canons, firstly. And secondly, it happens that a priest is guided by excessively strict spiritual principles, for example, he is a monk or knows asceticism well. And he begins to apply very high spiritual requirements to an ordinary person who is just beginning to enter the Church and, according to the Apostle Paul, still needs “verbal milk” (see: Heb. 5, 12-14) like a child. He needs to be taught a simple word, and not to discover high truths, which he may understand, but cannot be guided by. And it is not useful for him: having started to use them, he may even be spiritually damaged. For example, some confessors give an exorbitantly large prayer rule to beginners. And then comes the withdrawal. One intelligent woman at the age of 70 converted to Christianity. And the confessor immediately recommended to do a mental prayer. Spiritual "poisoning" has occurred. But prayer is spiritual food. Food poisoning is the worst. This woman mentally ruined her health. There were even cases that led a person to commit suicide. What do you need first? Here is the Gospel, read your prayers, and in the simplicity of your heart believe that whether you are a great ascetic or the simplest person, the Lord loves you all the same, shed His Blood for you, you are still His spiritual child. And already when a person is slowly getting on his feet, then the confessor gradually begins to reveal to him the positive aspects of spiritual life, its advantages over worldly ideals. Spiritual life has its degrees according to the instruction of the Monk John Climacus, an impudent forceful breakthrough to a level inappropriate to your spiritual state will attract the wrath of God and damage the soul. And here it is a very great responsibility of the clergyman - to take into account the spiritual and age levels, in what arrangement the human soul is now, and to demand only that which corresponds to the measure of his spiritual capabilities.

The spiritual path is a hidden, rational path. If a priest understands this and tries to lead with caution, then he leads correctly, with all the great responsibility entrusted to him. Well, if the priest correctly instructs and leads, but they do not want to listen to him, persist, want their own, then the responsibility falls on the flock.

- How to avoid mistakes - a confessor and his child?

According to the instruction of the holy Apostle Paul to all elders: Pay attention to yourself and to all the flock, in which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers to shepherd the Church of God and God (Acts 20, 28).

Simple and natural. That is, the mind of a pastor must constantly be turned not only to his own spiritual essence, to his soul, to thoughts, but also to the spiritual state of the flock. Not so long ago ended the seventy-year period of atheism. He left a huge imprint on the soul: people who now turn to the Church were completely in the grip of that worldview with its false freedom - according to Dostoevsky's words: "If there is no God, I am absolutely free, what I want, then I do." Therefore, "to listen to the whole flock" means to understand a modern man, his spiritual state: where he came from and with what. So he came to the church for the first time, to confession, and his soul begins to open before you. And you see what winding paths the Lord led him, but brought him into the Church! Glory to Thee, Lord. This is a great joy. And now a person only needs to be helped: accept him with all his perplexities, torments of conscience, penitential feelings, inspire hope for the mercy of God. And if he continues to come to church, then painstaking work with his soul and assistance in mastering the basics of spiritual life will begin. Such a suffering human soul rejoices at every spiritual word, like a child! It is clear that if a person did not know God before, then he could commit any sin without even realizing that he had sinned. Therefore, one cannot cut off the shoulder, whip with canons and regulations, but educate with patience and love. To be guided in the upbringing of Church members and to choose completely natural and simple requirements, again expressed by the Council of the Apostles for those converting from paganism to Christianity: to avoid what is sacrificed to idols and not to do to others what you do not wish for yourself. "For it is pleasing for the Holy Spirit and for us not to lay a burden on you any more, except to abstain from what was sacrificed to idols (which means not to follow the spirit of the times) and blood, and not to do to others what you do not want yourself" (see: Acts 15:29). Here are given both ascetic and general church principles, which have grown over the centuries into a harmonious doctrinal system and asceticism as Christian philosophy. And no harsh violence against the person turning to Christ.

Recorded by Tatiana Byshovets

Some advice for a spiritual child. Part 1: Confessor and spiritual son / daughter.

On obedience to the confessor
An ancient instruction instructs the confessor, before accepting a confession, to talk with the newcomer and find out "whether he repents with all his heart, and with all faith, and whether he will want to accept the commandments of the Lord, and do what is commanded ... with a joyful heart and cheerful." Today the pastor also addresses a similar question to a person who asks a priest to become his confessor.
If the spiritual child did not want to fulfill the instructions of the confessor, did not correct himself, then the confessor had the right to refuse such a child. Sending the negligent away from himself, the confessor could tell him: “Yes, go, man, look for a father according to your will and heart and such a indulgent person, as if you wanted; and both here enjoy their desire: in the future, the stranger will have good children. We ... do not want to kill sins with strangers. "

A Christian confessor is truly the father of his spiritual child. (And the very expression father, as applied to a priest, was born from spiritual practice, from the trusting relationship between a priest and his flock.) In the Old Russian ranks of confession, there is an expressive symbolic rite of transferring sins to the confessor. After hearing the confession and reading the prayers over the spiritual child bowed to the ground, the priest lifted him up, laid his right hand on his neck and said: “On my neck (neck) your sins, child, and may Christ God not torture (punish) you about these Always come in His glory to the terrible Judgment. "

One penance of the 16th century says: “If anyone does not have a spiritual father to listen to, he will not leave only repentance, but the Christianity of a stranger, and there is no other way to bless and the offerings from him are not primates, but before death, anoint his lips with blood; and do not pet for the fortiy for him, but in memory of his angel. That is, a person who does not listen to the spiritual father is practically excommunicated from the Church. They do not receive communion even before death, they only anoint the mouth of Christ with the Blood of Christ, do not serve the forty-mouth for him, and commemorate him at the Liturgy only once a year, on the day of his Angel.

And yet, no matter how sad it is to talk about it, it happens that spiritual children do not do what the confessor recommends. In this case, we will have the courage to patiently and resignedly endure all the troubles that we find ourselves in due to disobedience to the confessor. “I am so discouraged that I have doubts about God,” says a man who, because he constantly breaks the word of his confessor, finds himself in unpleasant situations… “What does God have to do with it? - I tell him. “Aren't you yourself violating the advice of your confessor and living by your own will? .. Bear worthily everything that you have arranged for yourself.”

... A girl who considers herself my spiritual daughter says that she met a young man, and he, speaking words about great love, insists on intimacy.
I am not blessing.
This girl disappears for a while, and then appears and says that she did her own way and that now she lives with this person.
I do not refuse my spiritual daughter, but I forbid her to receive communion. I say that it is necessary to correct the situation ...
The girl disappears again, then calls and says that she is pregnant. A week later, he calls and, sobbing, says that the young man left her. She appears in the temple to tell how cruel life is and that she has serious doubts about her faith ...

If the confessor is a monk ...
Any legally ordained priest, whether a monk or a married priest, has the right to confess. However, there is no doubt that a monk who can teach deep prayer or tell about the sweetness of fasting deeds may not be entirely competent in worldly matters. How to build a relationship between a husband and wife? How to bring up children? How to combine spiritual life with everyday vanity, worldly concerns with which a person living in the world is burdened? ..
Even such a spirit-bearing ascetic like our contemporary, Schema monk Paisiy Svyatorets, confessed his incompetence regarding some topics of family life.

And how is the confession of girls and women as a monk, that is, a person who has taken the vows of a celibate life and is subject to special temptations from this side?
All this was understood by the church hierarchy. Pskov priests at the beginning of the 15th century asked Metropolitan Photius if it was possible for the abbots to confess worldly women. The Metropolitan replied that it is possible, but only out of need, and not for everyone, but for an elderly and spiritual monk: "But as a spiritual elder and in monasticism, hegumen was appointed to a virtuous man, and his wife was not excommunicated in repentance."
Since the middle of the 17th century, ecclesiastical authority has decisively delimited the spheres of spiritual nourishment. A number of documents state that a secular priest should confess secular people, clergy women - monks.
In 1642, the Patriarch of All Russia Joseph, in his book "Instruction", writes: priest. In addition to these cases, let the monk not be the confessor of the worldly, especially women, so as not to be tempted in thoughts, for the devil through women tempts monks and bishops ”(Russian translation). Elsewhere in his book, the patriarch writes: "Be aware of this as well: as if he does not accept the priestly women of the worldly people for confession, let the secular priest not accept the women for confession."
The letter of the next Moscow patriarch, Nikon, given to Gerasim, Archimandrite of the Annunciation Monastery of Nizhny Novgorod, says: “But worldly people, male and female, should not be accepted or confessed as spiritual children; If the worldly people dare to accept themselves as spiritual children, let him not serve and the sacred lonely does not act. "

In the 19th century, the tendency for lay people to go to monasteries for spiritual guidance again appears. This also happened because a galaxy of wonderful spiritual shepherds and elders appeared. In many monasteries, of which Optina Pustyn was most famous, there was an old age tradition. But even about this time, St. Ignatius (Brianchaninov) wrote: “... in our time (the middle of the 19th century, the century of St. Seraphim of Sarov, St. Theophan the Recluse, St. Ambrose of Optina, and many others) there are no inspired mentors ". (Works in 5 volumes.SPb. 1905.Vol. 1, p. 274.)

In the 20th century, during the years of the God-fighting Bolshevik regime in Russia, the question of who to be spiritually nourished was not: the very opportunity to communicate with a priest, no matter whether he was a monk or secular, was a luxury. But in the last 2 decades, when church life began to improve, monasteries began to open, many people were ordained to the priesthood, and new problems arose.
It would be dishonest on our part not to mention such problems.
“Monks are the light of the laity. The light of Angels is the light of the monks, ”many people say, and they go to monasteries for spiritual guidance or advice. But they do not understand that decades will pass before the monk becomes a spirit-bearing elder. And then, not all monks will become elders. In the meantime, many years of spiritual achievement.
We, people who visit monasteries, should be understanding and patient about the fact that people who are not perfect at all can meet there. And that advice received from a monk is not always the truth of the highest standard, and any advice, especially received from an unfamiliar pastor, must be verified with common sense and a conversation with your confessor.
The author knows excellent monastic shepherds, to whom he directs fellow Christians to talk. But there are also known examples of pseudo-shepherding, when monks, not completely understanding worldly issues, invaded this territory and thereby caused many troubles to those who confess.

How to find a spiritual father?
We have already said that every Christian should have a spiritual father. In Soviet times, when there were few parishes and few clergy, this could be a problem. Today this is not a problem at all. There are many temples, many worthy priests.
I am often asked: how can this be done, how to find a spiritual father?
Two words about this.
There is no need to rush in choosing a confessor. So we started the church life. We regularly visit the temple. We confess, we partake. But each time we get to confession to different priests. And very soon we begin to understand that it would be nice to have a priest who will know the circumstances of our life, who does not need to explain everything anew. And with whom you can always consult, talk.
This brings us to a very correct desire - to have a spiritual guide.

First, you need to opt for some priest. Take a closer look at different priests - how they communicate with people, how they preach, how they confess. How strict the priest is, and whether his demands will not be too heavy and unbearable for you ... If your heart lies with one of the shepherds, do not rush to ask him as a child. Find out when this priest performs services, go to the temple these days. Take a closer look at him, chat.
And after that, if the decision to ask this priest for nourishment is unshakable, you can approach him and ask him to be your spiritual father.
The priest may refuse you for some reason, but this is rare. Most often he agrees. And after that, he may make an appointment for you in the temple for a detailed confession or a story about himself (the first serious acquaintance), or he may simply invite you to come to confession to him. There are many options, just know that you have a spiritual mentor. From now on, his opinion is the main one in spiritual matters.
When you have a confessor, you should not allow any initiative in spiritual life without consulting the confessor, or make important decisions in life without discussing it with the confessor.
Even the advice of an elder, if you come to this during a pilgrimage, means less to you than the word of a confessor.

Yes, I don’t think it makes sense to “chase” famous priests and look for elders as confessors. (The fact that the old priest is not always an old man was said by Abba Isaiah: “When choosing a confessor, pay attention to the wrong one who is already in old age, but who is whitened by spiritual knowledge and experience.”)

Each city has its own famous confessors. I will say from the experience of St. Petersburg: we also had and still have several very famous priests. So, in reality, they are so loaded with parish activities, nurturing spiritual children, whom they have known, perhaps for several decades, that even if they agree to nourish you, they will not be able to do it to the extent that you need. One parishioner proud to be the spirit son of Fr. V., recently told me that he manages to talk alone with the priest once a year ... for a few minutes ... This is wrong.

Now there are priests who are young and good in all respects, who can become wonderful spiritual mentors, and maybe friends, for your family for years to come.

Hide nothing ...
Naturally, a spiritual child should not hide anything from his spiritual father. Just as a patient who wants to be cured should tell the doctor about the course of his illness without concealment, so a Christian should tell his confessor about the ailments of his soul.
We read about this a wonderful example in the Kiev-Pechersk Patericon. This incident occurred at the very beginning of the monastery's existence, at the beginning of the 12th century, and is associated with the name of the Monk Onesiphor the Seer, who asceticised there for a long time.
Father Onesiphorus had a spiritual son, a monk of the same monastery. He fasted ostentatiously, showed himself to imitate his confessor, a chaste and temperate person, and secretly lived incontinently and sinfully. None of the brethren knew about this; the monk also concealed this from his spiritual father. The sinful monk died suddenly, and his body began to decompose quickly. He was buried in a cave, like other good monks, but from the great stench it was impossible to pass by. At other times, the body heard the bitter cries of the sinner. Onesiphorus wondered what had happened until in a dream the founder of the monastery, St. Anthony of Pechersky, who reproached Father Onesiphorus for burying such a lawless person in a holy place. Then Onesiphorus began to pray to the Lord and ask Him: "Lord, why have you hidden from me the work of this man?" An Angel appeared to him, who conveyed God's answer: "This was the testimony to all those who sin and do not repent, so that they might repent when they see."
The next night, Father Onesiphorus had a vision and a command to take the corpse of an unrepentant sinner from the caves and throw it into the river. The next day, when Father Onesiphorus with the abbot of the monastery Pimen gathered to fulfill the command, St. Anthony and said that the sinner was pardoned by God.

How often do you come to confession?
We must firmly remember that such clergy, which we read about in the patericons, is impossible in the world, and even unnecessary. In the wilderness, when 2-3 monks are cared for near the cell of the ascetic-elder, daily confession is possible, the revelation of the thoughts of the Abba. But in the world, the priest communicates with dozens of spiritual children. And the priest himself has a family, parish and other affairs. Taking an hour of time for someone, even once a week, is very difficult.
And is it necessary? ..
It would be more correct to come to a serious confession-conversation with a priest once a month. In case of special need - more often, but do not make a rule out of it.
You confess in detail, talk about spiritual achievements and failures over the past month. The priest gives advice, a kind of spiritual homework for the next month.
If something urgent happens, you can call the confessor, meet at any time.

Confessor for spouses ...
It is most correct if the husband and wife have one spiritual father. From ancient sources we learn that the confessor cared mainly not for individual people, but for “repentant families”, which included a husband, wife, children ...
This is convenient in all respects: the confessor knows the family situation; accordingly, gives appropriate advice and guidance.
It is not uncommon for a husband to be cared for by one priest, and a wife by another. It happens that this leads to sad consequences. For example, the wife's confessor - prescribes abstinence to the spiritual daughter, unbearable for the spouse. Or blesses for something impossible for a husband.
Many times desperate husbands consulted with me what to do in this case, and I advised my husband to just talk about this with his wife's confessor.
All these problems can be easily avoided if the husband and wife together, thoughtfully, responsibly and without haste, choose one confessor for themselves.

Is it possible to have two or three confessors?
We are accustomed to the fact that a person has only one spiritual father. But what to do if a Christian (or his confessor) leaves for another city or country for some reason?
Such a problem has always existed, and Christian antiquity has given an answer to it: a Christian, in special cases, can have several confessors. Two, in extreme cases even three.
Permission for this, in the case of a person leaving for another city, must be given by his first confessor. There, upon arrival, a person must orient himself and choose another spiritual mentor for himself.
In Russia, where it was customary to take monastic tonsure in old age, and we remember that a monk had to be nourished by a monk, the newly tonsured one had a new confessor from among the monks.
For a person, the highest authority is the opinion of the confessor, in whose care he is at a given time. One cannot go to one, then to another, then to a third confessor. The researcher of this issue prof. S. Smirnov notes: “At every particular moment, the Old Russian Christian knew only one real spiritual father ... Fulfilling the Christian duty of confession, he could always indicate his real spiritual father. In the well-known monuments of Old Russian literature, we have not come across indications of such cases that a believer, having chosen two or three confessors for himself, at his own discretion confesses to one or the other. "

The situation when a Christian and a confessor are separated for a long time and a Christian is left without spiritual nourishment is abnormal.
It is just as abnormal if a confessor dies and his children decide not to look for confessors anymore: "All the same, you will not find someone like our father."
A Christian, if circumstances permit, should attempt to find a spiritual leader and entrust himself with his spiritual nourishment.

Recorded sins
It is known about a St. Petersburg priest that he addresses the people who come to him for confession with their sins written down on paper: “What are you, Brezhnev? Can't you without a piece of paper? "
But the practice of writing down sins is very ancient and pious. In the teachings of the Old Russian confessors, all literate parishioners were advised to write "sins for the charter" and with this record come to repentance.
When I see that a person has written down sins, for me it is a sign that a person has responsibly approached the preparation for confession. I thought about my life, realized my sins so as not to forget them, wrote them down.

7. Spiritual children

From the above it follows that the spiritual father of a nunnery in no case should have spiritual children inside it. What then can be done if the priest has spiritual daughters in the world who would like to enter the monastery?

Never, under any circumstances, no matter how it may seem necessary, useful and correct, despite the requests of the mother abbess, such children should not be allowed to enter a monastery where their spiritual father is their spiritual father.

If the confessor makes at least one exception, the person entering the monastery will sooner or later become a stumbling block and temptation, create a difficult and difficult to resolve conflict between the abbess and the confessor. It can be resolved only in one way: the child will stop all communication with his spiritual father and completely surrender himself to the spiritual guidance of the abbess. If there are several such children, after a terrible scandal, the confessor will be removed from the monastery, as a rule, with a damaged reputation.

Beloved brothers! We kindly ask you not to repeat the mistakes made by others!

Perhaps, in this case, the girls who are willing to live a monastic life should be given a blessing to enter another monastery? This will not solve problems, but rather add new ones. The abbess, as a rule, is jealous and suspicious of the communication of the sisters with the confessor of her monastery, all the more she will be especially jealous of the communication with the confessor who is outside the monastery, announcing his advice to the nuns as interference in the affairs of her monastery.

A similar point of view is sometimes expressed by the diocesan hierarchy, which considers it unacceptable or permissible in exceptional cases to communicate between the nuns of a monastery with a confessor residing in another monastery or diocese. In reality, however, this is not prohibited by any of the sacred canons of the Church. In the lives of saints and devotees of piety, there are often cases of the creation and nourishment of women's communities by pastors of other dioceses (St. Barnabas Gethsemane, Optina elders, etc.). As a rule, such a situation arises if, before entering the monastery, the nun had a confessor in the world, and with his blessing she entered the monastery. Having confidence in him and benefiting from his advice, she would like to maintain a spiritual relationship.

The question arises: to what extent is it right for a confessor to give any of his spiritual children a blessing to enter such monasteries, although they will undoubtedly go there for obedience? If, by the Providence of God, spiritual relationships arise and the child shows trust in his pastor, is it right to send him to a monastery where he will be deprived of communication with the confessor whom he trusts, from whom he expects help, support, advice and prayers? Wouldn't such an act be a real betrayal of the shepherd in relation to the spiritual child, who entrusted him with the most precious thing - his soul?

After all, real spiritual relations depend not only on the experience and efforts of the confessor, but also on the work of obedience that the flock bears. Such relationships are extremely rare in our times, therefore they are especially valuable and should be guarded in every possible way. Only those people who have never had a confessor themselves, or who communicated with him purely formally, do not understand and attempt to destroy them, and therefore do not even know what the established serious spiritual relationship is. They do not know the high sacrament of obedience.

If a young man is not deprived of the opportunity to enter the monastery where his confessor is a resident, then the girl does not have such an opportunity at all .. In any case, a man will be a confessor for a resident of a nunnery. We know many monasteries where sisters are generally forbidden to approach priests for this reason. Doesn't this already seem like sectarianism?

Supporters of the idea that “the confessor can only be up to the monastery”, and from joining the monastery all “connections with the world” should be terminated, usually suggest in the administrative order the confessor of the monastery, usually a white priest who does not know the monastic life. But as it turns out, his responsibility includes only the performance of the Mystery of Confession, while the abbess herself is usually engaged in spiritual care. But after all, according to the teachings of the Holy Fathers, the choice of a spiritual leader should be voluntary, an indispensable condition for spiritual relationships is trust. “Trust is a condition of obedience, which, without a power of attorney, turns into hypocrisy, pleasing and flattering in front of our eyes, disobedient and arbitrary behind our eyes.” The abbess, indeed sometimes being a brilliant, wise administrator, does not always have the talent of a spiritual leader, and with her modern employment, especially in the newly opened monastery, as a rule, she has neither the time nor the opportunity to fully educate the young nuns. Therefore, would it not be most reasonable if the spiritual father is still involved in the upbringing of the novices and teaching them the great science of monastic work, especially since he has a holy order, which gives the right to teach in the Church?

"You, spiritual" Only such Christ calls to correct the lost. Nobody else can do this. The Holy Spirit must speak through the lips of those who ordinarily condemn and rebuke. This is the work of Christ, and it is only by the power of the Spirit that one can be a witness to Him.